One of the greatest joys and challenges of conscious, intimate relationships is that when we answer the call to love, we are invited to expand upon who we think we are, who we have been and what we feel and think we are capable of. We are invited by forces larger than ourselves to become a more complete, fuller, more loving human being. We are asked to participate in a process that is at once mysterious, exhilarating and terrifying.
When we answer this most compelling call, a part of us dives headlong into the fray, eager for the possibility of a deeper, more intimate connection than we have experienced before. Recent research indicates that during the early stages of being in love, our brains may secrete a powerful amphetamine-like neurotransmitter called phenylethylamine, bathing our central nervous system with an overdose of nature's most potent love cocktail. We are filled with ecstasy and vision and all our circuits are brilliantly lit up. In this heavenly state we are capable of extraordinary acts of unselfish love and caring that occur almost effortlessly.
When we return to earth, however, we are left with our vision of who we can be and the reality of who we think we are. The call to love is always to go deeper and farther than before and if we choose to answer the call, we will inevitably be confronted with a series of choices. One choice is to make a conscious decision of how committed we are to the truth. Have you been committed to truth in your previous relationships? If not, what was the consequence of not committing to truth? And now that you re in a new relationship, are you going to make a conscious commitment for the fullest, deepest, most honest connection you can or are you going to settle for less than that? How far do you want to try to go together? We encourage couples to discuss this openly and consciously, rather than let it play out unconsciously and indirectly as it so often does.
Every time we act and speak from truth, we invite our partner to do the same. Our journey continues to expand and deepen. The equation is simple: Truth = Love = Deeper Connection = Expansion = Greater Opening to Spirit. But if commitment to truth brings such wonderful things to our lives, why is it so rare and so hard? Why are there so many lies, so many affairs, so much hurt and anger being acted out indirectly? Whenever we consider lying to ourselves or our partners, we generally do so to protect some part of ourselves which feels afraid or inadequate. We want to appear better than we are and a little white lie won't hurt anyway, we tell ourselves. It's not really a big deal. What they don't know won't hurt them. We believe it IS a big deal if you compromise and limit the vision of love that the two of you have been called to create. It IS a big deal if you damage the foundation of trust which underlies any successful partnership. It IS a big deal if you re-create patterns of secrets and hiding that you learned in your families of origin. It IS a big deal if you set a precedent of withholding or distorting the honest reality that you experience individually and together. Each time that we distort the truth, we constrict and limit our original call to love and restrict the depth of what we can become. We slip back into the cocoon of our limiting beliefs about ourselves and what we are capable of as human beings.
When we work with couples and encourage them to make a solid commitment to the truth, they often say things like, ''Well I'm afraid to tell her what I really feel... she might leave me'' or ''If he knew that I had done that, he'll hate me forever, so I can't tell him'' or ''If she knew that I wanted to do X, Y and Z sexually, she'd think I was sick.'' At the core, it's always a fear that the truth will not set you free but will unleash a torrent of anger or rejection. But if your relationship cannot handle the truth, then what do you have anyway? If you and your partner are merely colluding with each other to stay in safe territory and avoid difficult issues, then you are settling for much less than what your call to love has invited you to experience.
Commitment to the truth can be uncomfortable and scary at times, but it is also the surest path to ongoing growth and deepening connection available to conscious relationship partners. We encourage everyone to make that commitment and pass it on through words and deeds to your children. If you have struggled with this in the past, be honest about that. And take steps to understand why you might have been less than honest. What healing needs to take place within you so that you no longer need to hide or appear different than who you really are? And remember, the commitment to the truth is not a commitment to always talking about something negative! The truth can be how grateful you feel to be in this relationship or how wonderful it feels to be with someone who shares your vision of an intimate relationship.
We are all capable of greater acts of love and truth than we may believe. We are all capable of being more honest, more clear, more loving, more unselfish. By honoring the original vision that called us to love at this time, we can commit to the truth of what we are experiencing and commit to communicating it to our partners on a regular basis. That is the process that truly will set you and your partner free - to experience the deepest and highest connection possible.
If you or your partner are having difficulty manifesting truth and honesty in your relationship, or there has been a betrayal of trust in the past or present, call us at (248) 546-0407 and let us show you how you can heal the hurts and resentments from the past and create a healthy, loving relationship that will last a lifetime.
Information on marriage is crucial to the survival of families.
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Monday, January 24, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Easy Steps for Nurturing Your Marriage By: Jacey Reynolds
Admit it. You've done it before and you'll do it again. You may even be doing it right now as you're reading this article. The "it" I'm talking about? Ignoring your husband! You remember him—that guy who schleps off to work every day, checks the fluids in your car, and has a key to your house?
I confess, as a busy woman, I too am guilty of this offense. Just last night my husband asked me to do him a small favor, and I sarcastically told him I'd "get right on it," as if I had nothing else on my schedule. So without a conscious effort, I made sure he knew just where he fell on my list of priorities. You guessed it—right at the bottom. After paying some bills, checking my email, and wiping down the kitchen counters, I was exhausted and ready to end my day. I eventually got around to helping my husband the next morning, and that's what's important, right?
Well, not quite. I know I could have handled the situation better by giving my husband the help he needed when he needed it—or at least avoided the sarcastic tone and bad attitude when I told him it would have to wait. How many other moms have found themselves in similar situations?
Busy women, I have a challenge for us all! A proposal that we resume paying some attention to those men who were once, however briefly, the focal point of our existence.
So how can we care for our husbands more when our daily lives are already crammed full of to-dos? My solution comes in the form of a little list I compiled and hung on my refrigerator. It suggests small yet powerful ways that we can show love to our mates:
# Put your arm around your husband. Hug him and kiss him for no reason at all—he may wonder what you're up to!
# Hold his hand when you go places together. Did you know touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love and can actually alter our physical and emotional states?
# Show extra compassion when he is sick. Fluff his pillow and tuck him in bed. Offer to make him tea or run a bath for him. Warm his towel in the dryer when he's ready to get out of the water.
# Write him a note or buy him a card and leave it in his shirt pocket, his briefcase, his lunchbox, or on the dashboard in his car. My husband loves this one!
# Don't forget to spend some time alone together. Plan a date night! Make the dinner reservations, buy tickets to the game, hire the babysitter, and enjoy time as a couple.
# Massage his back, neck, or feet for 20 minutes. What a simple way to help him relax and show you care. (And while you're doing this unselfishly, there's always a chance he'll return the favor some time!)
# Without mentioning it to your husband, do a household chore that is normally his responsibility.
# The next time you start to spend five dollars on yourself, spend it on him instead. He'll enjoy the gift and the realization that you were thinking about him.
# Make it a point to say something kind about your husband to someone else. He probably won't even know you've done this, but it will make you feel good and can change the way you look at him. You may be surprised at how well this works!
# Thank him for the everyday things: being a good provider, a good husband, taking out the trash, or making dinner after a busy day.
# Surprise him with his favorite meal for no reason.
# Talk to him about current events (yes, even sports!) that interest him, even if they don't interest you.
# If you pray together, be sure to vocalize thanks for him in your prayers. It will mean a lot to him to hear your gratefulness. You'll be amazed at the closeness this can create between two people.
# You and your husband probably work hard to earn money. Spend that money wisely. Excessive debt and shortage of money puts unnecessary strain on a marriage and will stress you both out, making everyone grouchy.
# When you run errands, be sure to ask him if he needs or wants anything. In other words, be thoughtful.
# Be sociable and friendly with his friends, work associates, and family, no matter how you really feel about them.
# Be polite. Say "please," "thank you," and "you're welcome." We often have a tendency to be more polite to strangers and mere acquaintances than we are to the ones we love most.
# Praise him sincerely for a job well done. Tell him how great the newly painted nursery looks or that the landscaping he put in is terrific.
# Spend time talking about his dreams and goals—and yours. Communication is key to a healthy marriage.
# Say "I love you!"
This list may not work miracles, but doing just one of the suggested items each day can help you rekindle some of the spark that you once had with the man in your life. Try it every day for a week. You're sure to see a difference, not only in your marriage, but in your entire family as well. Remember, happy couples are the foundation for happy families!
I confess, as a busy woman, I too am guilty of this offense. Just last night my husband asked me to do him a small favor, and I sarcastically told him I'd "get right on it," as if I had nothing else on my schedule. So without a conscious effort, I made sure he knew just where he fell on my list of priorities. You guessed it—right at the bottom. After paying some bills, checking my email, and wiping down the kitchen counters, I was exhausted and ready to end my day. I eventually got around to helping my husband the next morning, and that's what's important, right?
Well, not quite. I know I could have handled the situation better by giving my husband the help he needed when he needed it—or at least avoided the sarcastic tone and bad attitude when I told him it would have to wait. How many other moms have found themselves in similar situations?
Busy women, I have a challenge for us all! A proposal that we resume paying some attention to those men who were once, however briefly, the focal point of our existence.
So how can we care for our husbands more when our daily lives are already crammed full of to-dos? My solution comes in the form of a little list I compiled and hung on my refrigerator. It suggests small yet powerful ways that we can show love to our mates:
# Put your arm around your husband. Hug him and kiss him for no reason at all—he may wonder what you're up to!
# Hold his hand when you go places together. Did you know touch is one of the most powerful expressions of love and can actually alter our physical and emotional states?
# Show extra compassion when he is sick. Fluff his pillow and tuck him in bed. Offer to make him tea or run a bath for him. Warm his towel in the dryer when he's ready to get out of the water.
# Write him a note or buy him a card and leave it in his shirt pocket, his briefcase, his lunchbox, or on the dashboard in his car. My husband loves this one!
# Don't forget to spend some time alone together. Plan a date night! Make the dinner reservations, buy tickets to the game, hire the babysitter, and enjoy time as a couple.
# Massage his back, neck, or feet for 20 minutes. What a simple way to help him relax and show you care. (And while you're doing this unselfishly, there's always a chance he'll return the favor some time!)
# Without mentioning it to your husband, do a household chore that is normally his responsibility.
# The next time you start to spend five dollars on yourself, spend it on him instead. He'll enjoy the gift and the realization that you were thinking about him.
# Make it a point to say something kind about your husband to someone else. He probably won't even know you've done this, but it will make you feel good and can change the way you look at him. You may be surprised at how well this works!
# Thank him for the everyday things: being a good provider, a good husband, taking out the trash, or making dinner after a busy day.
# Surprise him with his favorite meal for no reason.
# Talk to him about current events (yes, even sports!) that interest him, even if they don't interest you.
# If you pray together, be sure to vocalize thanks for him in your prayers. It will mean a lot to him to hear your gratefulness. You'll be amazed at the closeness this can create between two people.
# You and your husband probably work hard to earn money. Spend that money wisely. Excessive debt and shortage of money puts unnecessary strain on a marriage and will stress you both out, making everyone grouchy.
# When you run errands, be sure to ask him if he needs or wants anything. In other words, be thoughtful.
# Be sociable and friendly with his friends, work associates, and family, no matter how you really feel about them.
# Be polite. Say "please," "thank you," and "you're welcome." We often have a tendency to be more polite to strangers and mere acquaintances than we are to the ones we love most.
# Praise him sincerely for a job well done. Tell him how great the newly painted nursery looks or that the landscaping he put in is terrific.
# Spend time talking about his dreams and goals—and yours. Communication is key to a healthy marriage.
# Say "I love you!"
This list may not work miracles, but doing just one of the suggested items each day can help you rekindle some of the spark that you once had with the man in your life. Try it every day for a week. You're sure to see a difference, not only in your marriage, but in your entire family as well. Remember, happy couples are the foundation for happy families!
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
5 Ways to Make Your Woman Deliriously Happy By Otto Collins
Steven is looking for advice. He wants to make his wife happy and keep her satisfied. No, he wants her to be deliriously happy!
He knows too many people whose marriages have ended lately. Whether it was from cheating, incessant arguing or unsolvable differences of opinion on major issues, these people just couldn't make one another happy and so their relationships ended-- often in very painful ways.
It's not just that Steven wants to avoid the emotional pain that usually accompanies divorce, he also loves his wife deeply. He truly cares about her happiness and wants to be a source of joy for her and not one of irritation or worse
Your reasons for wanting to make your woman happy (maybe even deliriously happy) could be different from Steven's reasons. Perhaps you would like to have a more enjoyable experience of your relationship too. You know that helping make your partner happy will ultimately help you too.
There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that keeping your woman happy also benefits you too! Let's face it. A happier partner inevitably means a more harmonious, fun and passionate relationship for both of you.
It's a win-win.
If you're looking for ways to make your woman happy, try these 5 tips...
#1: Be present.
It's nearly impossible for your woman to be happy with you and your relationship if you spend most of the time when you're interacting with her thinking about something else or otherwise distracted. Catch yourself when your attention wanders and then consciously bring it back.
Be willing to ask your partner to wait until you finish up a project so that you can make her your primary focus-- even if it's only for a limited period of time. The importance of doing this cannot be understated.
#2: Follow through.
Keep your word. Yes, there are things that come up that you might not have anticipated. Do your best to follow through on agreements you have with your woman and on promises you've made. If, for some reason, you can't follow through, be honest about it and let her know you are willing to make a different agreement that will meet her needs and yours too.
If you find that you are regularly having to renegotiate agreements because you can't seem to follow through, take this as a wake-up call. You might be saying "Yes" when you haven't fully thought things through. Or, you might need to shift some of your priorities around so that you CAN keep your word more of the time.
#3: Show her that she's special to you.
When you feel inspired by how much you love your partner and how special she is to you, let it show. Whether you choose to buy her a gift, treat her to something extra-ordinary or just speak to her about how you are feeling, let her know how important she is to you and how much you adore her.
When your words or gestures are genuine and heart-felt she will feel it too. This is bound to bring a smile to her face.
#4: Share with her.
There's nothing connecting or happy about feeling shut out of your partner's life. Keep this in mind when you are tempted to withhold from your woman important information. Even if your intention is to shield her from some difficulty you are having, think again.
You can share honestly with your partner about whatever you are going through in ways that won't amount to dumping on her or showing weakness. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to be real with the one you love about not only the easy and joyful stuff of life, but the challenges too.
#5: Really listen to her.
Too many men don't fully listen to their woman. It might be that you assume you already know what she's going to say about a particular topic. It could be that you've made up your mind and you aren't open to hearing a different point of view. It might also be that you are used to not listening in an engaged way to your partner and so you continue that habit (possibly without even knowing you are doing it).
Just about everyone enjoys feeling listened to and understood. Even if you assume that you and your partner won't agree about the subject, listen anyway. You can still maintain your position and also connect with your woman and make her happy.
I know, you probably already knew all of these tips. The power is not so much in knowing what to do, but in actually doing it-- as consistently and with as much heart as you can. Take this list as a reminder and challenge yourself to do at least one of these things with your woman today.
That's the true secret to making your woman deliriously happy.
(ArticlesBase SC #3804505)
He knows too many people whose marriages have ended lately. Whether it was from cheating, incessant arguing or unsolvable differences of opinion on major issues, these people just couldn't make one another happy and so their relationships ended-- often in very painful ways.
It's not just that Steven wants to avoid the emotional pain that usually accompanies divorce, he also loves his wife deeply. He truly cares about her happiness and wants to be a source of joy for her and not one of irritation or worse
Your reasons for wanting to make your woman happy (maybe even deliriously happy) could be different from Steven's reasons. Perhaps you would like to have a more enjoyable experience of your relationship too. You know that helping make your partner happy will ultimately help you too.
There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that keeping your woman happy also benefits you too! Let's face it. A happier partner inevitably means a more harmonious, fun and passionate relationship for both of you.
It's a win-win.
If you're looking for ways to make your woman happy, try these 5 tips...
#1: Be present.
It's nearly impossible for your woman to be happy with you and your relationship if you spend most of the time when you're interacting with her thinking about something else or otherwise distracted. Catch yourself when your attention wanders and then consciously bring it back.
Be willing to ask your partner to wait until you finish up a project so that you can make her your primary focus-- even if it's only for a limited period of time. The importance of doing this cannot be understated.
#2: Follow through.
Keep your word. Yes, there are things that come up that you might not have anticipated. Do your best to follow through on agreements you have with your woman and on promises you've made. If, for some reason, you can't follow through, be honest about it and let her know you are willing to make a different agreement that will meet her needs and yours too.
If you find that you are regularly having to renegotiate agreements because you can't seem to follow through, take this as a wake-up call. You might be saying "Yes" when you haven't fully thought things through. Or, you might need to shift some of your priorities around so that you CAN keep your word more of the time.
#3: Show her that she's special to you.
When you feel inspired by how much you love your partner and how special she is to you, let it show. Whether you choose to buy her a gift, treat her to something extra-ordinary or just speak to her about how you are feeling, let her know how important she is to you and how much you adore her.
When your words or gestures are genuine and heart-felt she will feel it too. This is bound to bring a smile to her face.
#4: Share with her.
There's nothing connecting or happy about feeling shut out of your partner's life. Keep this in mind when you are tempted to withhold from your woman important information. Even if your intention is to shield her from some difficulty you are having, think again.
You can share honestly with your partner about whatever you are going through in ways that won't amount to dumping on her or showing weakness. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to be real with the one you love about not only the easy and joyful stuff of life, but the challenges too.
#5: Really listen to her.
Too many men don't fully listen to their woman. It might be that you assume you already know what she's going to say about a particular topic. It could be that you've made up your mind and you aren't open to hearing a different point of view. It might also be that you are used to not listening in an engaged way to your partner and so you continue that habit (possibly without even knowing you are doing it).
Just about everyone enjoys feeling listened to and understood. Even if you assume that you and your partner won't agree about the subject, listen anyway. You can still maintain your position and also connect with your woman and make her happy.
I know, you probably already knew all of these tips. The power is not so much in knowing what to do, but in actually doing it-- as consistently and with as much heart as you can. Take this list as a reminder and challenge yourself to do at least one of these things with your woman today.
That's the true secret to making your woman deliriously happy.
(ArticlesBase SC #3804505)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
How You Can Find Happiness In Your Marriage And To Keep It
Finding happiness in your marriage and keeping It is an act that none of us was born with, we only need to cultivate it nurture it and make it grow so that our homes could be a haven of peace and tranquility. For that we need to adhere to these simple tips.
1.You need to sit down for a while and understand what your expectations are from your marriage and the partner. You will get an answer that you want him or her to understand you completely. All of us want an unconditional love and spend our lifetime to find it.
2.You may notice that stayed married people are happier and healthier than those people who are either single or divorced. This is because of the reason that married people have love and support of the other person even when he or she is shattered and have nowhere to go. They can vent out in front of their partners and find out the appropriate solutions to their problems.
3.Divorced people, on the other hand, suffer from anxieties and tough situations and the health gets affected with this mental stress. They are not able to perform well in their professional life also. This is the reason why it is said that a happy married life can contribute to your professional life and hence make your overall life complete and more satisfied. The children may also be affected for the emotional turmoil it inflicts on them can be devastating and may affect them negatively.
Happiness in a marriage is one of those things that never quite or never should quite disappear completely. Like glimpses of the sun on a rainy Sunday afternoon short and fast bursts of laughter and companionship with your spouse can make the rest of the day seem bearable. The happiness can come from things as simple as a smile from across the room while your partner cooks or the inability to get a word in edge wise over the children excitedly and quickly blurping about their day. Happiness can come from watching your beloved simply walk through the door after a long day at work or finding their first Grey hair and making jokes. Sometimes happiness is the solitary and profound silence that allows two people to just be in each others presence without any expectation or desire for words. Happiness can be learning to go to bed at different times to avoid lovemaking or to ensure that your mates’ snoring doesn’t keep you awake. It can be in the things that seem so basic and taken for granted in your every day existence that it; much like the jelly; can sometimes be hard to find!
The daunting truth is that every couple must be always willing to seek it. Certainly as time goes on the definitions of happy seem to change completely – but they are happy none the less. The relationship may have lost the vigor and fury of years ago, yet it is now filled with compassion, acceptance and an exaggerated sense of togetherness that redefines the word partnership. Happiness can be looking at photographs, retelling old stories and making new ones of both as the days quickly pass. Happiness in a marriage can be the easiest thing to find in a world where everything seems to come with strings and the simplest way to add years to your life and joy to your heart! Happiness can be your home, reading the newspaper together and finally after all these years feeling secure and safe in the love that you give and get. It is realizing that there is no perfect equation to longevity and reasoning about the silly quirks and idiosyncrasies that make your spouse who they are.
Happiness in a marriage is about deliberating not talking about the things that you will know will serve only to upset your beloved and listening to things you really don’t care to hear just to show you care. It is about having much more to lose by arguing and staying mad than you could ever find to gain from bickering about whose turn it is to take out the trash, walk the dog or put the kids to bed! It is going to sleep at 9pm on a Friday night because you are tired and waking up to the same person (just a little bit fatter) every day for going on 10-15 years now. And feeling okay with it. Sometimes happiness is realizing that there are many times when you are under appreciated or your deeds go without gratitude but that you too also forget to see all the things your spouse does for you. It is eating steak every weekend because it is your partner’s favorite meal (even though you hate it) and agreeing to Dr. Pepper at the movies (to save money) even though you prefer Coke! It’s finding the extremely convenient wedge between remaining who you are and remaining willingly available to another person; void of ego and analytical psycho babble - to coexist with someone who makes your heart sing, your lips quiver and your heart melt as smoothly as chocolate fondue!
There isn’t a day that passes by in married life or a married couple who doesn’t have full control of just how much happiness they experience in their wedded matrimony. Everybody has a choice to pay attention to the things that matter and ignore the things that don’t. Each and every moment comes with the opportunity to find happiness and joy or weigh it down with stress and responsibility. No one ever said there had to be a balance of both. By finding happiness in the simplicity of marriage and restoring the little things in life that lead to large memories and love all married couples can find happiness in marriage. Sure, there are twists and turns to everything in life but few are coupled with as much comfort and joy as marital bliss and companionship that exists because of and despite everything else going on in your world!
Just like the jar of jelly; happiness in marriage can be found again when you push away and move to the side all of those things that are staples in life. When you begin to look behind the surface and start to dig behind the exterior of years together and meaningless stuff that piles up high like canned goods - you will find the homemade jelly of your marriage; still fresh in the jar and ripe with the sweet sugar that was used to can it. It is then that the metaphorical bread of your life can be coated with only the savory and sweet happiness that all deserve and desire! Happiness in marriage is there – you just have to always be aware of exactly where to find it!
1.You need to sit down for a while and understand what your expectations are from your marriage and the partner. You will get an answer that you want him or her to understand you completely. All of us want an unconditional love and spend our lifetime to find it.
2.You may notice that stayed married people are happier and healthier than those people who are either single or divorced. This is because of the reason that married people have love and support of the other person even when he or she is shattered and have nowhere to go. They can vent out in front of their partners and find out the appropriate solutions to their problems.
3.Divorced people, on the other hand, suffer from anxieties and tough situations and the health gets affected with this mental stress. They are not able to perform well in their professional life also. This is the reason why it is said that a happy married life can contribute to your professional life and hence make your overall life complete and more satisfied. The children may also be affected for the emotional turmoil it inflicts on them can be devastating and may affect them negatively.
Happiness in a marriage is one of those things that never quite or never should quite disappear completely. Like glimpses of the sun on a rainy Sunday afternoon short and fast bursts of laughter and companionship with your spouse can make the rest of the day seem bearable. The happiness can come from things as simple as a smile from across the room while your partner cooks or the inability to get a word in edge wise over the children excitedly and quickly blurping about their day. Happiness can come from watching your beloved simply walk through the door after a long day at work or finding their first Grey hair and making jokes. Sometimes happiness is the solitary and profound silence that allows two people to just be in each others presence without any expectation or desire for words. Happiness can be learning to go to bed at different times to avoid lovemaking or to ensure that your mates’ snoring doesn’t keep you awake. It can be in the things that seem so basic and taken for granted in your every day existence that it; much like the jelly; can sometimes be hard to find!
The daunting truth is that every couple must be always willing to seek it. Certainly as time goes on the definitions of happy seem to change completely – but they are happy none the less. The relationship may have lost the vigor and fury of years ago, yet it is now filled with compassion, acceptance and an exaggerated sense of togetherness that redefines the word partnership. Happiness can be looking at photographs, retelling old stories and making new ones of both as the days quickly pass. Happiness in a marriage can be the easiest thing to find in a world where everything seems to come with strings and the simplest way to add years to your life and joy to your heart! Happiness can be your home, reading the newspaper together and finally after all these years feeling secure and safe in the love that you give and get. It is realizing that there is no perfect equation to longevity and reasoning about the silly quirks and idiosyncrasies that make your spouse who they are.
Happiness in a marriage is about deliberating not talking about the things that you will know will serve only to upset your beloved and listening to things you really don’t care to hear just to show you care. It is about having much more to lose by arguing and staying mad than you could ever find to gain from bickering about whose turn it is to take out the trash, walk the dog or put the kids to bed! It is going to sleep at 9pm on a Friday night because you are tired and waking up to the same person (just a little bit fatter) every day for going on 10-15 years now. And feeling okay with it. Sometimes happiness is realizing that there are many times when you are under appreciated or your deeds go without gratitude but that you too also forget to see all the things your spouse does for you. It is eating steak every weekend because it is your partner’s favorite meal (even though you hate it) and agreeing to Dr. Pepper at the movies (to save money) even though you prefer Coke! It’s finding the extremely convenient wedge between remaining who you are and remaining willingly available to another person; void of ego and analytical psycho babble - to coexist with someone who makes your heart sing, your lips quiver and your heart melt as smoothly as chocolate fondue!
There isn’t a day that passes by in married life or a married couple who doesn’t have full control of just how much happiness they experience in their wedded matrimony. Everybody has a choice to pay attention to the things that matter and ignore the things that don’t. Each and every moment comes with the opportunity to find happiness and joy or weigh it down with stress and responsibility. No one ever said there had to be a balance of both. By finding happiness in the simplicity of marriage and restoring the little things in life that lead to large memories and love all married couples can find happiness in marriage. Sure, there are twists and turns to everything in life but few are coupled with as much comfort and joy as marital bliss and companionship that exists because of and despite everything else going on in your world!
Just like the jar of jelly; happiness in marriage can be found again when you push away and move to the side all of those things that are staples in life. When you begin to look behind the surface and start to dig behind the exterior of years together and meaningless stuff that piles up high like canned goods - you will find the homemade jelly of your marriage; still fresh in the jar and ripe with the sweet sugar that was used to can it. It is then that the metaphorical bread of your life can be coated with only the savory and sweet happiness that all deserve and desire! Happiness in marriage is there – you just have to always be aware of exactly where to find it!
Friday, December 3, 2010
7 Ways To A Successful Marriage by Angie Lewis
What do you think would deem a marriage successful? Is your marriage successful or are you still working on bringing it into success? Couples may differ in what they believe constitutes a successful marriage. I have compiled a few thoughts that I think couples should incorporate into their own relationship for a successful marriage.
1. Proper Communication
In a successful marriage both husband and wife understand where the other stands on certain issues within the marriage, and are considerate of each other’s feelings. They don’t let matters pile up on the back burner to cause unneeded resentment and animosity later; instead they discuss issues in an appropriate manner when they come up.
2. Acceptance (tolerance, validation, forgiving, supportive)
Accepting one another is very important if you want a happy and satisfying marriage. By accepting the person you married, you are less likely to bring up faults and bad habits and later use those faults against them. True acceptance is loving the person you married in every respect.
3. Trust (confidence, faith, belief)
Couples who trust each other have more personal freedom within the marriage. There are no jealousy issues, and deceitful practices causing marital conflict. If you don’t trust your spouse, maybe it is because you don’t trust yourself?
4. Giving (kind, selfless, considerate, giving)
All good marriages understand the aspects of the give and take relationship. The selfless attitude of wanting the best for your spouse is what real love is all about. When you learn to give of yourself without wanting anything in return, you are actually giving something to yourself because goodness and giving will come back to you.
5. Respect (esteem, honor, admire)
If you want your marriage to grow and be successful, you have to respect the person you married. The more you value your spouse, and make them feel good about who they are, the more they will respect you for who you are. God gave you to each other, so cherish each and everyday with what God has blessed you with.
6. Healthy Attitude Towards Self
You need to have a healthy attitude about yourself for a successful marriage. This is what allows you to be free to give of yourself and to be accepting of each other. If you have a low self-image, or you have not given up a negative past, or you are ensnared within an addiction, etc, these things will keep you from loving wholly. First, take care of you! Then you can be a better marriage partner because of it, and then you can work on your marriage.
7. Spiritual Foundation
If your marriage makes use of the characteristics above then it is supported by God’s spiritual foundation. God is the one who gives us the gifts of real love. Only through Him are we made complete and whole to love others freely.
Jesus said, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (Luke 6:46-49)
1. Proper Communication
In a successful marriage both husband and wife understand where the other stands on certain issues within the marriage, and are considerate of each other’s feelings. They don’t let matters pile up on the back burner to cause unneeded resentment and animosity later; instead they discuss issues in an appropriate manner when they come up.
2. Acceptance (tolerance, validation, forgiving, supportive)
Accepting one another is very important if you want a happy and satisfying marriage. By accepting the person you married, you are less likely to bring up faults and bad habits and later use those faults against them. True acceptance is loving the person you married in every respect.
3. Trust (confidence, faith, belief)
Couples who trust each other have more personal freedom within the marriage. There are no jealousy issues, and deceitful practices causing marital conflict. If you don’t trust your spouse, maybe it is because you don’t trust yourself?
4. Giving (kind, selfless, considerate, giving)
All good marriages understand the aspects of the give and take relationship. The selfless attitude of wanting the best for your spouse is what real love is all about. When you learn to give of yourself without wanting anything in return, you are actually giving something to yourself because goodness and giving will come back to you.
5. Respect (esteem, honor, admire)
If you want your marriage to grow and be successful, you have to respect the person you married. The more you value your spouse, and make them feel good about who they are, the more they will respect you for who you are. God gave you to each other, so cherish each and everyday with what God has blessed you with.
6. Healthy Attitude Towards Self
You need to have a healthy attitude about yourself for a successful marriage. This is what allows you to be free to give of yourself and to be accepting of each other. If you have a low self-image, or you have not given up a negative past, or you are ensnared within an addiction, etc, these things will keep you from loving wholly. First, take care of you! Then you can be a better marriage partner because of it, and then you can work on your marriage.
7. Spiritual Foundation
If your marriage makes use of the characteristics above then it is supported by God’s spiritual foundation. God is the one who gives us the gifts of real love. Only through Him are we made complete and whole to love others freely.
Jesus said, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (Luke 6:46-49)
Help for Couples Drifting Apart – How to Build a Stronger Marriage and Stay Connected
Marriage is bound to change from year-to-year. When a couple first walks down the aisle they can expect things to be rosy for a time. Hence, the honeymoon phase we all hear about. It's the time when a couple celebrates their love and discovers many new and exciting things about each other. That phase slowly morphs into real life and the small pressures that impact every married couple will begin to pop up. For some couples, drifting apart during this time feels inevitable. The emotional connection that was once there starts to feel weaker and unless something is done, the marriage will eventually be so strained it will be at risk of falling apart. If you're beginning to feel some distance between you and your spouse now, you have to take measures to change it.
Once you start to feel that something is shifting within your relationship you have to determine why it's happened. If there is an issue that you two are constantly butting heads on, try and find a solution that works for you both. Compromise is that the center of every successful marriage and it's something that you're going to have to introduce into your relationship too.
Maybe the issue is more about the two of you just not making each other a priority in life. This happens sometimes without the couple even fully realizing it. Tending to all the things that are required to keep a home and family running smoothly can be time consuming and something will generally have to suffer. In some cases, that something is the marriage and unless one or both partners works to remedy that, the relationship will continue to suffer instead of flourish.
If you want to build a stronger marriage you have to put in the time and effort to make that happen. You must focus some attention each and every day on your partner. That has to be uninterrupted time when the two of you can talk about all the issues at hand. That may be a chat about what's going on at work or who is going to be shuttling the children to ball practice. In addition, you also have to make the effort to talk about your relationship with one another. Unless that is nurtured with the proper attention it deserves, it's going to inevitably fail. Talk to your partner about making time for you two to spend alone together. It will make a tremendous difference and you'll feel much less like you're drifting apart.
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Once you start to feel that something is shifting within your relationship you have to determine why it's happened. If there is an issue that you two are constantly butting heads on, try and find a solution that works for you both. Compromise is that the center of every successful marriage and it's something that you're going to have to introduce into your relationship too.
Maybe the issue is more about the two of you just not making each other a priority in life. This happens sometimes without the couple even fully realizing it. Tending to all the things that are required to keep a home and family running smoothly can be time consuming and something will generally have to suffer. In some cases, that something is the marriage and unless one or both partners works to remedy that, the relationship will continue to suffer instead of flourish.
If you want to build a stronger marriage you have to put in the time and effort to make that happen. You must focus some attention each and every day on your partner. That has to be uninterrupted time when the two of you can talk about all the issues at hand. That may be a chat about what's going on at work or who is going to be shuttling the children to ball practice. In addition, you also have to make the effort to talk about your relationship with one another. Unless that is nurtured with the proper attention it deserves, it's going to inevitably fail. Talk to your partner about making time for you two to spend alone together. It will make a tremendous difference and you'll feel much less like you're drifting apart.
Retrieved from "http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/help-for-couples-drifting-apart-how-to-build-a-stronger-marriage-and-stay-connected-3775422.html"
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Thursday, December 2, 2010
Healing After an Affair - Why Is It So Painful to Rebuild Your Relationship After Cheating? By Coleta Stewart Platinum Quality Author
When you first find out about your spouse's affair, you are completely caught up in the very real pain of having been cheated upon and lied to. But after going through so much pain and the worst time of your life, after knowing that your spouse was with another person, you still choose to stay in your marriage. But the difficult work of rebuilding your marriage and healing after an affair is not going to be without its share of hurt and pain.
There sure will be times when you want to know why does it have to hurt so much and is it worth all the pain to give your marriage another chance. Only you can answer that and time will tell whether it was worth the effort or not. Pain is an important part of the healing process. You are feeling this pain because you still love your spouse despite what he or she has done to you.
The painful memories of the affair is not going to go away on its own. Both the affair victim and the cheating spouse will have to bring these painful memories out in the open and face them. They have to be dealt with and eventually put to rest if your marriage is going to have a second chance at surviving.
If you both still love each other and are committed to giving your marriage a second shot, then this pain will only be temporary while you work things out. With time it will become a distant memory. One thing that you and your spouse need to do during the process of healing after an affair is putting old wounds and issues to rest so that they do not become a problem in this new and better marriage that you are building.
Find out what you can do right now during the healing after an affair process to deal with the pain and get your marriage back on track.
There sure will be times when you want to know why does it have to hurt so much and is it worth all the pain to give your marriage another chance. Only you can answer that and time will tell whether it was worth the effort or not. Pain is an important part of the healing process. You are feeling this pain because you still love your spouse despite what he or she has done to you.
The painful memories of the affair is not going to go away on its own. Both the affair victim and the cheating spouse will have to bring these painful memories out in the open and face them. They have to be dealt with and eventually put to rest if your marriage is going to have a second chance at surviving.
If you both still love each other and are committed to giving your marriage a second shot, then this pain will only be temporary while you work things out. With time it will become a distant memory. One thing that you and your spouse need to do during the process of healing after an affair is putting old wounds and issues to rest so that they do not become a problem in this new and better marriage that you are building.
Find out what you can do right now during the healing after an affair process to deal with the pain and get your marriage back on track.
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