Steven is looking for advice. He wants to make his wife happy and keep her satisfied. No, he wants her to be deliriously happy!
He knows too many people whose marriages have ended lately. Whether it was from cheating, incessant arguing or unsolvable differences of opinion on major issues, these people just couldn't make one another happy and so their relationships ended-- often in very painful ways.
It's not just that Steven wants to avoid the emotional pain that usually accompanies divorce, he also loves his wife deeply. He truly cares about her happiness and wants to be a source of joy for her and not one of irritation or worse
Your reasons for wanting to make your woman happy (maybe even deliriously happy) could be different from Steven's reasons. Perhaps you would like to have a more enjoyable experience of your relationship too. You know that helping make your partner happy will ultimately help you too.
There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that keeping your woman happy also benefits you too! Let's face it. A happier partner inevitably means a more harmonious, fun and passionate relationship for both of you.
It's a win-win.
If you're looking for ways to make your woman happy, try these 5 tips...
#1: Be present.
It's nearly impossible for your woman to be happy with you and your relationship if you spend most of the time when you're interacting with her thinking about something else or otherwise distracted. Catch yourself when your attention wanders and then consciously bring it back.
Be willing to ask your partner to wait until you finish up a project so that you can make her your primary focus-- even if it's only for a limited period of time. The importance of doing this cannot be understated.
#2: Follow through.
Keep your word. Yes, there are things that come up that you might not have anticipated. Do your best to follow through on agreements you have with your woman and on promises you've made. If, for some reason, you can't follow through, be honest about it and let her know you are willing to make a different agreement that will meet her needs and yours too.
If you find that you are regularly having to renegotiate agreements because you can't seem to follow through, take this as a wake-up call. You might be saying "Yes" when you haven't fully thought things through. Or, you might need to shift some of your priorities around so that you CAN keep your word more of the time.
#3: Show her that she's special to you.
When you feel inspired by how much you love your partner and how special she is to you, let it show. Whether you choose to buy her a gift, treat her to something extra-ordinary or just speak to her about how you are feeling, let her know how important she is to you and how much you adore her.
When your words or gestures are genuine and heart-felt she will feel it too. This is bound to bring a smile to her face.
#4: Share with her.
There's nothing connecting or happy about feeling shut out of your partner's life. Keep this in mind when you are tempted to withhold from your woman important information. Even if your intention is to shield her from some difficulty you are having, think again.
You can share honestly with your partner about whatever you are going through in ways that won't amount to dumping on her or showing weakness. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to be real with the one you love about not only the easy and joyful stuff of life, but the challenges too.
#5: Really listen to her.
Too many men don't fully listen to their woman. It might be that you assume you already know what she's going to say about a particular topic. It could be that you've made up your mind and you aren't open to hearing a different point of view. It might also be that you are used to not listening in an engaged way to your partner and so you continue that habit (possibly without even knowing you are doing it).
Just about everyone enjoys feeling listened to and understood. Even if you assume that you and your partner won't agree about the subject, listen anyway. You can still maintain your position and also connect with your woman and make her happy.
I know, you probably already knew all of these tips. The power is not so much in knowing what to do, but in actually doing it-- as consistently and with as much heart as you can. Take this list as a reminder and challenge yourself to do at least one of these things with your woman today.
That's the true secret to making your woman deliriously happy.
(ArticlesBase SC #3804505)
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Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
How You Can Find Happiness In Your Marriage And To Keep It
Finding happiness in your marriage and keeping It is an act that none of us was born with, we only need to cultivate it nurture it and make it grow so that our homes could be a haven of peace and tranquility. For that we need to adhere to these simple tips.
1.You need to sit down for a while and understand what your expectations are from your marriage and the partner. You will get an answer that you want him or her to understand you completely. All of us want an unconditional love and spend our lifetime to find it.
2.You may notice that stayed married people are happier and healthier than those people who are either single or divorced. This is because of the reason that married people have love and support of the other person even when he or she is shattered and have nowhere to go. They can vent out in front of their partners and find out the appropriate solutions to their problems.
3.Divorced people, on the other hand, suffer from anxieties and tough situations and the health gets affected with this mental stress. They are not able to perform well in their professional life also. This is the reason why it is said that a happy married life can contribute to your professional life and hence make your overall life complete and more satisfied. The children may also be affected for the emotional turmoil it inflicts on them can be devastating and may affect them negatively.
Happiness in a marriage is one of those things that never quite or never should quite disappear completely. Like glimpses of the sun on a rainy Sunday afternoon short and fast bursts of laughter and companionship with your spouse can make the rest of the day seem bearable. The happiness can come from things as simple as a smile from across the room while your partner cooks or the inability to get a word in edge wise over the children excitedly and quickly blurping about their day. Happiness can come from watching your beloved simply walk through the door after a long day at work or finding their first Grey hair and making jokes. Sometimes happiness is the solitary and profound silence that allows two people to just be in each others presence without any expectation or desire for words. Happiness can be learning to go to bed at different times to avoid lovemaking or to ensure that your mates’ snoring doesn’t keep you awake. It can be in the things that seem so basic and taken for granted in your every day existence that it; much like the jelly; can sometimes be hard to find!
The daunting truth is that every couple must be always willing to seek it. Certainly as time goes on the definitions of happy seem to change completely – but they are happy none the less. The relationship may have lost the vigor and fury of years ago, yet it is now filled with compassion, acceptance and an exaggerated sense of togetherness that redefines the word partnership. Happiness can be looking at photographs, retelling old stories and making new ones of both as the days quickly pass. Happiness in a marriage can be the easiest thing to find in a world where everything seems to come with strings and the simplest way to add years to your life and joy to your heart! Happiness can be your home, reading the newspaper together and finally after all these years feeling secure and safe in the love that you give and get. It is realizing that there is no perfect equation to longevity and reasoning about the silly quirks and idiosyncrasies that make your spouse who they are.
Happiness in a marriage is about deliberating not talking about the things that you will know will serve only to upset your beloved and listening to things you really don’t care to hear just to show you care. It is about having much more to lose by arguing and staying mad than you could ever find to gain from bickering about whose turn it is to take out the trash, walk the dog or put the kids to bed! It is going to sleep at 9pm on a Friday night because you are tired and waking up to the same person (just a little bit fatter) every day for going on 10-15 years now. And feeling okay with it. Sometimes happiness is realizing that there are many times when you are under appreciated or your deeds go without gratitude but that you too also forget to see all the things your spouse does for you. It is eating steak every weekend because it is your partner’s favorite meal (even though you hate it) and agreeing to Dr. Pepper at the movies (to save money) even though you prefer Coke! It’s finding the extremely convenient wedge between remaining who you are and remaining willingly available to another person; void of ego and analytical psycho babble - to coexist with someone who makes your heart sing, your lips quiver and your heart melt as smoothly as chocolate fondue!
There isn’t a day that passes by in married life or a married couple who doesn’t have full control of just how much happiness they experience in their wedded matrimony. Everybody has a choice to pay attention to the things that matter and ignore the things that don’t. Each and every moment comes with the opportunity to find happiness and joy or weigh it down with stress and responsibility. No one ever said there had to be a balance of both. By finding happiness in the simplicity of marriage and restoring the little things in life that lead to large memories and love all married couples can find happiness in marriage. Sure, there are twists and turns to everything in life but few are coupled with as much comfort and joy as marital bliss and companionship that exists because of and despite everything else going on in your world!
Just like the jar of jelly; happiness in marriage can be found again when you push away and move to the side all of those things that are staples in life. When you begin to look behind the surface and start to dig behind the exterior of years together and meaningless stuff that piles up high like canned goods - you will find the homemade jelly of your marriage; still fresh in the jar and ripe with the sweet sugar that was used to can it. It is then that the metaphorical bread of your life can be coated with only the savory and sweet happiness that all deserve and desire! Happiness in marriage is there – you just have to always be aware of exactly where to find it!
1.You need to sit down for a while and understand what your expectations are from your marriage and the partner. You will get an answer that you want him or her to understand you completely. All of us want an unconditional love and spend our lifetime to find it.
2.You may notice that stayed married people are happier and healthier than those people who are either single or divorced. This is because of the reason that married people have love and support of the other person even when he or she is shattered and have nowhere to go. They can vent out in front of their partners and find out the appropriate solutions to their problems.
3.Divorced people, on the other hand, suffer from anxieties and tough situations and the health gets affected with this mental stress. They are not able to perform well in their professional life also. This is the reason why it is said that a happy married life can contribute to your professional life and hence make your overall life complete and more satisfied. The children may also be affected for the emotional turmoil it inflicts on them can be devastating and may affect them negatively.
Happiness in a marriage is one of those things that never quite or never should quite disappear completely. Like glimpses of the sun on a rainy Sunday afternoon short and fast bursts of laughter and companionship with your spouse can make the rest of the day seem bearable. The happiness can come from things as simple as a smile from across the room while your partner cooks or the inability to get a word in edge wise over the children excitedly and quickly blurping about their day. Happiness can come from watching your beloved simply walk through the door after a long day at work or finding their first Grey hair and making jokes. Sometimes happiness is the solitary and profound silence that allows two people to just be in each others presence without any expectation or desire for words. Happiness can be learning to go to bed at different times to avoid lovemaking or to ensure that your mates’ snoring doesn’t keep you awake. It can be in the things that seem so basic and taken for granted in your every day existence that it; much like the jelly; can sometimes be hard to find!
The daunting truth is that every couple must be always willing to seek it. Certainly as time goes on the definitions of happy seem to change completely – but they are happy none the less. The relationship may have lost the vigor and fury of years ago, yet it is now filled with compassion, acceptance and an exaggerated sense of togetherness that redefines the word partnership. Happiness can be looking at photographs, retelling old stories and making new ones of both as the days quickly pass. Happiness in a marriage can be the easiest thing to find in a world where everything seems to come with strings and the simplest way to add years to your life and joy to your heart! Happiness can be your home, reading the newspaper together and finally after all these years feeling secure and safe in the love that you give and get. It is realizing that there is no perfect equation to longevity and reasoning about the silly quirks and idiosyncrasies that make your spouse who they are.
Happiness in a marriage is about deliberating not talking about the things that you will know will serve only to upset your beloved and listening to things you really don’t care to hear just to show you care. It is about having much more to lose by arguing and staying mad than you could ever find to gain from bickering about whose turn it is to take out the trash, walk the dog or put the kids to bed! It is going to sleep at 9pm on a Friday night because you are tired and waking up to the same person (just a little bit fatter) every day for going on 10-15 years now. And feeling okay with it. Sometimes happiness is realizing that there are many times when you are under appreciated or your deeds go without gratitude but that you too also forget to see all the things your spouse does for you. It is eating steak every weekend because it is your partner’s favorite meal (even though you hate it) and agreeing to Dr. Pepper at the movies (to save money) even though you prefer Coke! It’s finding the extremely convenient wedge between remaining who you are and remaining willingly available to another person; void of ego and analytical psycho babble - to coexist with someone who makes your heart sing, your lips quiver and your heart melt as smoothly as chocolate fondue!
There isn’t a day that passes by in married life or a married couple who doesn’t have full control of just how much happiness they experience in their wedded matrimony. Everybody has a choice to pay attention to the things that matter and ignore the things that don’t. Each and every moment comes with the opportunity to find happiness and joy or weigh it down with stress and responsibility. No one ever said there had to be a balance of both. By finding happiness in the simplicity of marriage and restoring the little things in life that lead to large memories and love all married couples can find happiness in marriage. Sure, there are twists and turns to everything in life but few are coupled with as much comfort and joy as marital bliss and companionship that exists because of and despite everything else going on in your world!
Just like the jar of jelly; happiness in marriage can be found again when you push away and move to the side all of those things that are staples in life. When you begin to look behind the surface and start to dig behind the exterior of years together and meaningless stuff that piles up high like canned goods - you will find the homemade jelly of your marriage; still fresh in the jar and ripe with the sweet sugar that was used to can it. It is then that the metaphorical bread of your life can be coated with only the savory and sweet happiness that all deserve and desire! Happiness in marriage is there – you just have to always be aware of exactly where to find it!
Friday, December 3, 2010
7 Ways To A Successful Marriage by Angie Lewis
What do you think would deem a marriage successful? Is your marriage successful or are you still working on bringing it into success? Couples may differ in what they believe constitutes a successful marriage. I have compiled a few thoughts that I think couples should incorporate into their own relationship for a successful marriage.
1. Proper Communication
In a successful marriage both husband and wife understand where the other stands on certain issues within the marriage, and are considerate of each other’s feelings. They don’t let matters pile up on the back burner to cause unneeded resentment and animosity later; instead they discuss issues in an appropriate manner when they come up.
2. Acceptance (tolerance, validation, forgiving, supportive)
Accepting one another is very important if you want a happy and satisfying marriage. By accepting the person you married, you are less likely to bring up faults and bad habits and later use those faults against them. True acceptance is loving the person you married in every respect.
3. Trust (confidence, faith, belief)
Couples who trust each other have more personal freedom within the marriage. There are no jealousy issues, and deceitful practices causing marital conflict. If you don’t trust your spouse, maybe it is because you don’t trust yourself?
4. Giving (kind, selfless, considerate, giving)
All good marriages understand the aspects of the give and take relationship. The selfless attitude of wanting the best for your spouse is what real love is all about. When you learn to give of yourself without wanting anything in return, you are actually giving something to yourself because goodness and giving will come back to you.
5. Respect (esteem, honor, admire)
If you want your marriage to grow and be successful, you have to respect the person you married. The more you value your spouse, and make them feel good about who they are, the more they will respect you for who you are. God gave you to each other, so cherish each and everyday with what God has blessed you with.
6. Healthy Attitude Towards Self
You need to have a healthy attitude about yourself for a successful marriage. This is what allows you to be free to give of yourself and to be accepting of each other. If you have a low self-image, or you have not given up a negative past, or you are ensnared within an addiction, etc, these things will keep you from loving wholly. First, take care of you! Then you can be a better marriage partner because of it, and then you can work on your marriage.
7. Spiritual Foundation
If your marriage makes use of the characteristics above then it is supported by God’s spiritual foundation. God is the one who gives us the gifts of real love. Only through Him are we made complete and whole to love others freely.
Jesus said, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (Luke 6:46-49)
1. Proper Communication
In a successful marriage both husband and wife understand where the other stands on certain issues within the marriage, and are considerate of each other’s feelings. They don’t let matters pile up on the back burner to cause unneeded resentment and animosity later; instead they discuss issues in an appropriate manner when they come up.
2. Acceptance (tolerance, validation, forgiving, supportive)
Accepting one another is very important if you want a happy and satisfying marriage. By accepting the person you married, you are less likely to bring up faults and bad habits and later use those faults against them. True acceptance is loving the person you married in every respect.
3. Trust (confidence, faith, belief)
Couples who trust each other have more personal freedom within the marriage. There are no jealousy issues, and deceitful practices causing marital conflict. If you don’t trust your spouse, maybe it is because you don’t trust yourself?
4. Giving (kind, selfless, considerate, giving)
All good marriages understand the aspects of the give and take relationship. The selfless attitude of wanting the best for your spouse is what real love is all about. When you learn to give of yourself without wanting anything in return, you are actually giving something to yourself because goodness and giving will come back to you.
5. Respect (esteem, honor, admire)
If you want your marriage to grow and be successful, you have to respect the person you married. The more you value your spouse, and make them feel good about who they are, the more they will respect you for who you are. God gave you to each other, so cherish each and everyday with what God has blessed you with.
6. Healthy Attitude Towards Self
You need to have a healthy attitude about yourself for a successful marriage. This is what allows you to be free to give of yourself and to be accepting of each other. If you have a low self-image, or you have not given up a negative past, or you are ensnared within an addiction, etc, these things will keep you from loving wholly. First, take care of you! Then you can be a better marriage partner because of it, and then you can work on your marriage.
7. Spiritual Foundation
If your marriage makes use of the characteristics above then it is supported by God’s spiritual foundation. God is the one who gives us the gifts of real love. Only through Him are we made complete and whole to love others freely.
Jesus said, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (Luke 6:46-49)
Help for Couples Drifting Apart – How to Build a Stronger Marriage and Stay Connected
Marriage is bound to change from year-to-year. When a couple first walks down the aisle they can expect things to be rosy for a time. Hence, the honeymoon phase we all hear about. It's the time when a couple celebrates their love and discovers many new and exciting things about each other. That phase slowly morphs into real life and the small pressures that impact every married couple will begin to pop up. For some couples, drifting apart during this time feels inevitable. The emotional connection that was once there starts to feel weaker and unless something is done, the marriage will eventually be so strained it will be at risk of falling apart. If you're beginning to feel some distance between you and your spouse now, you have to take measures to change it.
Once you start to feel that something is shifting within your relationship you have to determine why it's happened. If there is an issue that you two are constantly butting heads on, try and find a solution that works for you both. Compromise is that the center of every successful marriage and it's something that you're going to have to introduce into your relationship too.
Maybe the issue is more about the two of you just not making each other a priority in life. This happens sometimes without the couple even fully realizing it. Tending to all the things that are required to keep a home and family running smoothly can be time consuming and something will generally have to suffer. In some cases, that something is the marriage and unless one or both partners works to remedy that, the relationship will continue to suffer instead of flourish.
If you want to build a stronger marriage you have to put in the time and effort to make that happen. You must focus some attention each and every day on your partner. That has to be uninterrupted time when the two of you can talk about all the issues at hand. That may be a chat about what's going on at work or who is going to be shuttling the children to ball practice. In addition, you also have to make the effort to talk about your relationship with one another. Unless that is nurtured with the proper attention it deserves, it's going to inevitably fail. Talk to your partner about making time for you two to spend alone together. It will make a tremendous difference and you'll feel much less like you're drifting apart.
Retrieved from "http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/help-for-couples-drifting-apart-how-to-build-a-stronger-marriage-and-stay-connected-3775422.html"
(ArticlesBase SC #3775422)
Once you start to feel that something is shifting within your relationship you have to determine why it's happened. If there is an issue that you two are constantly butting heads on, try and find a solution that works for you both. Compromise is that the center of every successful marriage and it's something that you're going to have to introduce into your relationship too.
Maybe the issue is more about the two of you just not making each other a priority in life. This happens sometimes without the couple even fully realizing it. Tending to all the things that are required to keep a home and family running smoothly can be time consuming and something will generally have to suffer. In some cases, that something is the marriage and unless one or both partners works to remedy that, the relationship will continue to suffer instead of flourish.
If you want to build a stronger marriage you have to put in the time and effort to make that happen. You must focus some attention each and every day on your partner. That has to be uninterrupted time when the two of you can talk about all the issues at hand. That may be a chat about what's going on at work or who is going to be shuttling the children to ball practice. In addition, you also have to make the effort to talk about your relationship with one another. Unless that is nurtured with the proper attention it deserves, it's going to inevitably fail. Talk to your partner about making time for you two to spend alone together. It will make a tremendous difference and you'll feel much less like you're drifting apart.
Retrieved from "http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/help-for-couples-drifting-apart-how-to-build-a-stronger-marriage-and-stay-connected-3775422.html"
(ArticlesBase SC #3775422)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Healing After an Affair - Why Is It So Painful to Rebuild Your Relationship After Cheating? By Coleta Stewart Platinum Quality Author
When you first find out about your spouse's affair, you are completely caught up in the very real pain of having been cheated upon and lied to. But after going through so much pain and the worst time of your life, after knowing that your spouse was with another person, you still choose to stay in your marriage. But the difficult work of rebuilding your marriage and healing after an affair is not going to be without its share of hurt and pain.
There sure will be times when you want to know why does it have to hurt so much and is it worth all the pain to give your marriage another chance. Only you can answer that and time will tell whether it was worth the effort or not. Pain is an important part of the healing process. You are feeling this pain because you still love your spouse despite what he or she has done to you.
The painful memories of the affair is not going to go away on its own. Both the affair victim and the cheating spouse will have to bring these painful memories out in the open and face them. They have to be dealt with and eventually put to rest if your marriage is going to have a second chance at surviving.
If you both still love each other and are committed to giving your marriage a second shot, then this pain will only be temporary while you work things out. With time it will become a distant memory. One thing that you and your spouse need to do during the process of healing after an affair is putting old wounds and issues to rest so that they do not become a problem in this new and better marriage that you are building.
Find out what you can do right now during the healing after an affair process to deal with the pain and get your marriage back on track.
There sure will be times when you want to know why does it have to hurt so much and is it worth all the pain to give your marriage another chance. Only you can answer that and time will tell whether it was worth the effort or not. Pain is an important part of the healing process. You are feeling this pain because you still love your spouse despite what he or she has done to you.
The painful memories of the affair is not going to go away on its own. Both the affair victim and the cheating spouse will have to bring these painful memories out in the open and face them. They have to be dealt with and eventually put to rest if your marriage is going to have a second chance at surviving.
If you both still love each other and are committed to giving your marriage a second shot, then this pain will only be temporary while you work things out. With time it will become a distant memory. One thing that you and your spouse need to do during the process of healing after an affair is putting old wounds and issues to rest so that they do not become a problem in this new and better marriage that you are building.
Find out what you can do right now during the healing after an affair process to deal with the pain and get your marriage back on track.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Healing After An Affair - Where Do I Begin? Submitted By: Coleta Stewart
When you find out that your spouse broke your marital vows and went outside your marriage, the betrayal you experience runs so deep that it shakes the very foundations of your relationship. You experience an overwhelming sense of confusion, sadness, hurt, anger and grief. You may even be afraid that it is all over between the two of you. But it doesn't have to be. Healing after an affair is not hopeless, you can still repair the damage done to your marriage even if you are now feeling lost and don't know what to do, where to begin or what should you do first.
There is no doubt that a cheating spouse is one of the biggest kicks in the gut that anyone can receive. You are haunted by unanswered questions about the affair, not to mention the emotions, feelings and thoughts going through your mind when you found out about the affair.
Emotions and feelings you can expect to feel after the affair
Disbelief. The one person you thought you could trust with every ounce of your being and never have to worry about has betrayed you in the worst way possible. It's discouraging to realize that you have invested in a relationship with a dishonest spouse. As hard as it seems, you have to accept that the affair did happen, it's the only way for you to move forward and heal.
Feeling Insecure. Your husband's cheating has shattered your entire life and make you feel as insecure as a little, abandoned girl. You struggle with insecurity and low self esteem. You're so full of self-hate and negativity that you hardly recognize yourself anymore.
Sadness. He was supposed to ‘belong’ to you, so knowing others have had what is rightfully yours feels invasive to your marriage vows. The thought makes you feel sad You don't know if you'll ever feel completely safe and trusting again with your spouse who did such a terrible thing.
Confused. You always felt like you had a great marriage only to have everything you ever thought you new about your wonderful spouse, your marriages, your purpose in life, your identity, your self-worth and self-esteem blasted by what feels like a bomb just dropped on your lap. If you didn't recognize any warning signs that your spouse was cheating on you, that can leave you feeling very confused and questioning how well you knew your spouse to begin with.
Low self-esteem. The blow to your self-esteem is hard to take. You have this internal dialogue all day every day about how the other person is better than you. You feel so embarrassed and so ashamed – telling yourself that they must think there is something wrong with you and that he must really enjoy her company and conversation and what is he doing with you.
After learning of your spouse's cheating, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process. There are three parties involved in a relationship after an affair; the injured spouse, the person who cheated, and the relationship. In order to save the marriage, both the injured and the cheating spouse need to sort out specific issues before they can even begin to work on their marriage.
Healing after an affair for the injured spouse
As the injured, you have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. You have to learn how to effectively handle all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace once again. Healing after an affair can’t happen until you have looked after yourself first.
Give yourself top priority
In the aftermath of the affair, you're struggling to hold everything together. Life is still going on all around you and there are still all those family obligations that need to be taken care of. Despite all that is going on in your life right now, it’s imperative that you focus on yourself, first and foremost and put your needs first as this will help you to heal.
Boost your self-esteem
Learn to replace the broken record of self-doubt and self-recriminations with more positive thoughts about you. Tell yourself something great about you everyday, remember how you thought of yourself before the affair.
Write down what you are feeling
Keep a written (or electronic) journal of your day to day struggles and challenges. How you are working through them now and what you think your ideal future will look like. Then commit to taking one action, whether its daily or weekly that is going to move you closer to your vision.
There is no quick fix or magic pill when healing after an affair to make it all go away. As the cheating victim you have to take action to move forward, even when you don’t feel you can. Be in control of your crushed emotions. Start thinking about all the good things about yourself and your life together. It is not going to be easy to replace the negative movie of your spouse and the other person with a more positive one with you in it, but you'll eventually get to the point where you can see the two of you having a great future together.
There is no doubt that a cheating spouse is one of the biggest kicks in the gut that anyone can receive. You are haunted by unanswered questions about the affair, not to mention the emotions, feelings and thoughts going through your mind when you found out about the affair.
Emotions and feelings you can expect to feel after the affair
Disbelief. The one person you thought you could trust with every ounce of your being and never have to worry about has betrayed you in the worst way possible. It's discouraging to realize that you have invested in a relationship with a dishonest spouse. As hard as it seems, you have to accept that the affair did happen, it's the only way for you to move forward and heal.
Feeling Insecure. Your husband's cheating has shattered your entire life and make you feel as insecure as a little, abandoned girl. You struggle with insecurity and low self esteem. You're so full of self-hate and negativity that you hardly recognize yourself anymore.
Sadness. He was supposed to ‘belong’ to you, so knowing others have had what is rightfully yours feels invasive to your marriage vows. The thought makes you feel sad You don't know if you'll ever feel completely safe and trusting again with your spouse who did such a terrible thing.
Confused. You always felt like you had a great marriage only to have everything you ever thought you new about your wonderful spouse, your marriages, your purpose in life, your identity, your self-worth and self-esteem blasted by what feels like a bomb just dropped on your lap. If you didn't recognize any warning signs that your spouse was cheating on you, that can leave you feeling very confused and questioning how well you knew your spouse to begin with.
Low self-esteem. The blow to your self-esteem is hard to take. You have this internal dialogue all day every day about how the other person is better than you. You feel so embarrassed and so ashamed – telling yourself that they must think there is something wrong with you and that he must really enjoy her company and conversation and what is he doing with you.
After learning of your spouse's cheating, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process. There are three parties involved in a relationship after an affair; the injured spouse, the person who cheated, and the relationship. In order to save the marriage, both the injured and the cheating spouse need to sort out specific issues before they can even begin to work on their marriage.
Healing after an affair for the injured spouse
As the injured, you have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. You have to learn how to effectively handle all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace once again. Healing after an affair can’t happen until you have looked after yourself first.
Give yourself top priority
In the aftermath of the affair, you're struggling to hold everything together. Life is still going on all around you and there are still all those family obligations that need to be taken care of. Despite all that is going on in your life right now, it’s imperative that you focus on yourself, first and foremost and put your needs first as this will help you to heal.
Boost your self-esteem
Learn to replace the broken record of self-doubt and self-recriminations with more positive thoughts about you. Tell yourself something great about you everyday, remember how you thought of yourself before the affair.
Write down what you are feeling
Keep a written (or electronic) journal of your day to day struggles and challenges. How you are working through them now and what you think your ideal future will look like. Then commit to taking one action, whether its daily or weekly that is going to move you closer to your vision.
There is no quick fix or magic pill when healing after an affair to make it all go away. As the cheating victim you have to take action to move forward, even when you don’t feel you can. Be in control of your crushed emotions. Start thinking about all the good things about yourself and your life together. It is not going to be easy to replace the negative movie of your spouse and the other person with a more positive one with you in it, but you'll eventually get to the point where you can see the two of you having a great future together.
Save Marriage Guide For Those Who Desire To Succeed
There is hundreds of different guides available claiming to be able to help you save your marriage and stop your divorce. However most of them are pure fluff, or offering techniques which requires both partner to work on it. We took the trouble of weeding them out and review the most popular guides for you. You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the best information now. If you’re willing to give the methods laid out in the guides a chance, you’ll be amazed at where your marriage is in a relatively short time from now. Below are our best pick:
1. Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce
Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce is our hands down favorite guide to saving your marriage and stopping your divorce. The guide was written by Dr. Katie Zaltman, Ph.D, a relationship guru and marriage counselor for over 30 years. The guide offers abundance of fast acting and effective strategies, which only requires the work of a single partner. Although written by a Ph.D holder, the text in the guide is easy to understand and to implement. You can use the techniques immediately and see quick result. It is suitable for nearly every couple and unique situation. The guide has produced the highest number of success stories from extremely satisfied users.
2. Save My Marriage Today
Amy Waterman, author of Save My Marriage Today, has been in the business of saving marriage and stopping divorce for a long time. Amy’s methods and ideas are superior and easy to understand. The guide has been extremely successful in the art of saving marriage and preventing divorce. It doesn’t preach that you have to change yourself to be a better person for your spouse or tell you that you need to give in to your partner demand and every want. Instead, Amy teaches you sure fire techniques to save your marriage. Amy works with a great team of relationship experts to bring you superior techniques of saving marriage and preventing divorce. With purchase of this guide, you have access to the team, around-the-clock via e-mail, to answer your specific need.
3. Keep Your Marriage
Keep Your Marriage was written by married couple, Nancy Wasson, Ph.D, a marriage counselor with 25 years experience, and Lee Hefner. It is an excellent book that provides great ideas, fewer tips compared to our first and second rated book, and thoroughly explained to guide you on the path to a much-improved marital relationship with your partner. Although the book was seem to be written for psychology graduates and occasionally too dry, it offers valuable and effective methods in the prevention of divorce. In one section the guide accurately show how common methods for communication and counseling can actually backfire. This book is actually quite a bargain when you consider you are receiving advice from happily married couple with vast experience of personal and professional experience.
4. Save the Marriage
In Save the Marriage, marriage counselor Dr. Lee Baucom makes sense of a difficult subject, giving advice and guidance with specific examples which help you to understand the psychology of marriage and relationships. This guide offers a lot of helpful information about saving marriages and repairing broken relationships. The divorce prevention methods found in this book are proactive and can be found in many divorce prevention guides. If you are looking for common or traditional methods for divorce prevention which have proven themselves in the past, then this might be the right book for you.
1. Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce
Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce is our hands down favorite guide to saving your marriage and stopping your divorce. The guide was written by Dr. Katie Zaltman, Ph.D, a relationship guru and marriage counselor for over 30 years. The guide offers abundance of fast acting and effective strategies, which only requires the work of a single partner. Although written by a Ph.D holder, the text in the guide is easy to understand and to implement. You can use the techniques immediately and see quick result. It is suitable for nearly every couple and unique situation. The guide has produced the highest number of success stories from extremely satisfied users.
2. Save My Marriage Today
Amy Waterman, author of Save My Marriage Today, has been in the business of saving marriage and stopping divorce for a long time. Amy’s methods and ideas are superior and easy to understand. The guide has been extremely successful in the art of saving marriage and preventing divorce. It doesn’t preach that you have to change yourself to be a better person for your spouse or tell you that you need to give in to your partner demand and every want. Instead, Amy teaches you sure fire techniques to save your marriage. Amy works with a great team of relationship experts to bring you superior techniques of saving marriage and preventing divorce. With purchase of this guide, you have access to the team, around-the-clock via e-mail, to answer your specific need.
3. Keep Your Marriage
Keep Your Marriage was written by married couple, Nancy Wasson, Ph.D, a marriage counselor with 25 years experience, and Lee Hefner. It is an excellent book that provides great ideas, fewer tips compared to our first and second rated book, and thoroughly explained to guide you on the path to a much-improved marital relationship with your partner. Although the book was seem to be written for psychology graduates and occasionally too dry, it offers valuable and effective methods in the prevention of divorce. In one section the guide accurately show how common methods for communication and counseling can actually backfire. This book is actually quite a bargain when you consider you are receiving advice from happily married couple with vast experience of personal and professional experience.
4. Save the Marriage
In Save the Marriage, marriage counselor Dr. Lee Baucom makes sense of a difficult subject, giving advice and guidance with specific examples which help you to understand the psychology of marriage and relationships. This guide offers a lot of helpful information about saving marriages and repairing broken relationships. The divorce prevention methods found in this book are proactive and can be found in many divorce prevention guides. If you are looking for common or traditional methods for divorce prevention which have proven themselves in the past, then this might be the right book for you.
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