Steven is looking for advice. He wants to make his wife happy and keep her satisfied. No, he wants her to be deliriously happy!
He knows too many people whose marriages have ended lately. Whether it was from cheating, incessant arguing or unsolvable differences of opinion on major issues, these people just couldn't make one another happy and so their relationships ended-- often in very painful ways.
It's not just that Steven wants to avoid the emotional pain that usually accompanies divorce, he also loves his wife deeply. He truly cares about her happiness and wants to be a source of joy for her and not one of irritation or worse
Your reasons for wanting to make your woman happy (maybe even deliriously happy) could be different from Steven's reasons. Perhaps you would like to have a more enjoyable experience of your relationship too. You know that helping make your partner happy will ultimately help you too.
There's nothing wrong with acknowledging that keeping your woman happy also benefits you too! Let's face it. A happier partner inevitably means a more harmonious, fun and passionate relationship for both of you.
It's a win-win.
If you're looking for ways to make your woman happy, try these 5 tips...
#1: Be present.
It's nearly impossible for your woman to be happy with you and your relationship if you spend most of the time when you're interacting with her thinking about something else or otherwise distracted. Catch yourself when your attention wanders and then consciously bring it back.
Be willing to ask your partner to wait until you finish up a project so that you can make her your primary focus-- even if it's only for a limited period of time. The importance of doing this cannot be understated.
#2: Follow through.
Keep your word. Yes, there are things that come up that you might not have anticipated. Do your best to follow through on agreements you have with your woman and on promises you've made. If, for some reason, you can't follow through, be honest about it and let her know you are willing to make a different agreement that will meet her needs and yours too.
If you find that you are regularly having to renegotiate agreements because you can't seem to follow through, take this as a wake-up call. You might be saying "Yes" when you haven't fully thought things through. Or, you might need to shift some of your priorities around so that you CAN keep your word more of the time.
#3: Show her that she's special to you.
When you feel inspired by how much you love your partner and how special she is to you, let it show. Whether you choose to buy her a gift, treat her to something extra-ordinary or just speak to her about how you are feeling, let her know how important she is to you and how much you adore her.
When your words or gestures are genuine and heart-felt she will feel it too. This is bound to bring a smile to her face.
#4: Share with her.
There's nothing connecting or happy about feeling shut out of your partner's life. Keep this in mind when you are tempted to withhold from your woman important information. Even if your intention is to shield her from some difficulty you are having, think again.
You can share honestly with your partner about whatever you are going through in ways that won't amount to dumping on her or showing weakness. In fact, it takes a lot of courage to be real with the one you love about not only the easy and joyful stuff of life, but the challenges too.
#5: Really listen to her.
Too many men don't fully listen to their woman. It might be that you assume you already know what she's going to say about a particular topic. It could be that you've made up your mind and you aren't open to hearing a different point of view. It might also be that you are used to not listening in an engaged way to your partner and so you continue that habit (possibly without even knowing you are doing it).
Just about everyone enjoys feeling listened to and understood. Even if you assume that you and your partner won't agree about the subject, listen anyway. You can still maintain your position and also connect with your woman and make her happy.
I know, you probably already knew all of these tips. The power is not so much in knowing what to do, but in actually doing it-- as consistently and with as much heart as you can. Take this list as a reminder and challenge yourself to do at least one of these things with your woman today.
That's the true secret to making your woman deliriously happy.
(ArticlesBase SC #3804505)
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Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
How You Can Find Happiness In Your Marriage And To Keep It
Finding happiness in your marriage and keeping It is an act that none of us was born with, we only need to cultivate it nurture it and make it grow so that our homes could be a haven of peace and tranquility. For that we need to adhere to these simple tips.
1.You need to sit down for a while and understand what your expectations are from your marriage and the partner. You will get an answer that you want him or her to understand you completely. All of us want an unconditional love and spend our lifetime to find it.
2.You may notice that stayed married people are happier and healthier than those people who are either single or divorced. This is because of the reason that married people have love and support of the other person even when he or she is shattered and have nowhere to go. They can vent out in front of their partners and find out the appropriate solutions to their problems.
3.Divorced people, on the other hand, suffer from anxieties and tough situations and the health gets affected with this mental stress. They are not able to perform well in their professional life also. This is the reason why it is said that a happy married life can contribute to your professional life and hence make your overall life complete and more satisfied. The children may also be affected for the emotional turmoil it inflicts on them can be devastating and may affect them negatively.
Happiness in a marriage is one of those things that never quite or never should quite disappear completely. Like glimpses of the sun on a rainy Sunday afternoon short and fast bursts of laughter and companionship with your spouse can make the rest of the day seem bearable. The happiness can come from things as simple as a smile from across the room while your partner cooks or the inability to get a word in edge wise over the children excitedly and quickly blurping about their day. Happiness can come from watching your beloved simply walk through the door after a long day at work or finding their first Grey hair and making jokes. Sometimes happiness is the solitary and profound silence that allows two people to just be in each others presence without any expectation or desire for words. Happiness can be learning to go to bed at different times to avoid lovemaking or to ensure that your mates’ snoring doesn’t keep you awake. It can be in the things that seem so basic and taken for granted in your every day existence that it; much like the jelly; can sometimes be hard to find!
The daunting truth is that every couple must be always willing to seek it. Certainly as time goes on the definitions of happy seem to change completely – but they are happy none the less. The relationship may have lost the vigor and fury of years ago, yet it is now filled with compassion, acceptance and an exaggerated sense of togetherness that redefines the word partnership. Happiness can be looking at photographs, retelling old stories and making new ones of both as the days quickly pass. Happiness in a marriage can be the easiest thing to find in a world where everything seems to come with strings and the simplest way to add years to your life and joy to your heart! Happiness can be your home, reading the newspaper together and finally after all these years feeling secure and safe in the love that you give and get. It is realizing that there is no perfect equation to longevity and reasoning about the silly quirks and idiosyncrasies that make your spouse who they are.
Happiness in a marriage is about deliberating not talking about the things that you will know will serve only to upset your beloved and listening to things you really don’t care to hear just to show you care. It is about having much more to lose by arguing and staying mad than you could ever find to gain from bickering about whose turn it is to take out the trash, walk the dog or put the kids to bed! It is going to sleep at 9pm on a Friday night because you are tired and waking up to the same person (just a little bit fatter) every day for going on 10-15 years now. And feeling okay with it. Sometimes happiness is realizing that there are many times when you are under appreciated or your deeds go without gratitude but that you too also forget to see all the things your spouse does for you. It is eating steak every weekend because it is your partner’s favorite meal (even though you hate it) and agreeing to Dr. Pepper at the movies (to save money) even though you prefer Coke! It’s finding the extremely convenient wedge between remaining who you are and remaining willingly available to another person; void of ego and analytical psycho babble - to coexist with someone who makes your heart sing, your lips quiver and your heart melt as smoothly as chocolate fondue!
There isn’t a day that passes by in married life or a married couple who doesn’t have full control of just how much happiness they experience in their wedded matrimony. Everybody has a choice to pay attention to the things that matter and ignore the things that don’t. Each and every moment comes with the opportunity to find happiness and joy or weigh it down with stress and responsibility. No one ever said there had to be a balance of both. By finding happiness in the simplicity of marriage and restoring the little things in life that lead to large memories and love all married couples can find happiness in marriage. Sure, there are twists and turns to everything in life but few are coupled with as much comfort and joy as marital bliss and companionship that exists because of and despite everything else going on in your world!
Just like the jar of jelly; happiness in marriage can be found again when you push away and move to the side all of those things that are staples in life. When you begin to look behind the surface and start to dig behind the exterior of years together and meaningless stuff that piles up high like canned goods - you will find the homemade jelly of your marriage; still fresh in the jar and ripe with the sweet sugar that was used to can it. It is then that the metaphorical bread of your life can be coated with only the savory and sweet happiness that all deserve and desire! Happiness in marriage is there – you just have to always be aware of exactly where to find it!
1.You need to sit down for a while and understand what your expectations are from your marriage and the partner. You will get an answer that you want him or her to understand you completely. All of us want an unconditional love and spend our lifetime to find it.
2.You may notice that stayed married people are happier and healthier than those people who are either single or divorced. This is because of the reason that married people have love and support of the other person even when he or she is shattered and have nowhere to go. They can vent out in front of their partners and find out the appropriate solutions to their problems.
3.Divorced people, on the other hand, suffer from anxieties and tough situations and the health gets affected with this mental stress. They are not able to perform well in their professional life also. This is the reason why it is said that a happy married life can contribute to your professional life and hence make your overall life complete and more satisfied. The children may also be affected for the emotional turmoil it inflicts on them can be devastating and may affect them negatively.
Happiness in a marriage is one of those things that never quite or never should quite disappear completely. Like glimpses of the sun on a rainy Sunday afternoon short and fast bursts of laughter and companionship with your spouse can make the rest of the day seem bearable. The happiness can come from things as simple as a smile from across the room while your partner cooks or the inability to get a word in edge wise over the children excitedly and quickly blurping about their day. Happiness can come from watching your beloved simply walk through the door after a long day at work or finding their first Grey hair and making jokes. Sometimes happiness is the solitary and profound silence that allows two people to just be in each others presence without any expectation or desire for words. Happiness can be learning to go to bed at different times to avoid lovemaking or to ensure that your mates’ snoring doesn’t keep you awake. It can be in the things that seem so basic and taken for granted in your every day existence that it; much like the jelly; can sometimes be hard to find!
The daunting truth is that every couple must be always willing to seek it. Certainly as time goes on the definitions of happy seem to change completely – but they are happy none the less. The relationship may have lost the vigor and fury of years ago, yet it is now filled with compassion, acceptance and an exaggerated sense of togetherness that redefines the word partnership. Happiness can be looking at photographs, retelling old stories and making new ones of both as the days quickly pass. Happiness in a marriage can be the easiest thing to find in a world where everything seems to come with strings and the simplest way to add years to your life and joy to your heart! Happiness can be your home, reading the newspaper together and finally after all these years feeling secure and safe in the love that you give and get. It is realizing that there is no perfect equation to longevity and reasoning about the silly quirks and idiosyncrasies that make your spouse who they are.
Happiness in a marriage is about deliberating not talking about the things that you will know will serve only to upset your beloved and listening to things you really don’t care to hear just to show you care. It is about having much more to lose by arguing and staying mad than you could ever find to gain from bickering about whose turn it is to take out the trash, walk the dog or put the kids to bed! It is going to sleep at 9pm on a Friday night because you are tired and waking up to the same person (just a little bit fatter) every day for going on 10-15 years now. And feeling okay with it. Sometimes happiness is realizing that there are many times when you are under appreciated or your deeds go without gratitude but that you too also forget to see all the things your spouse does for you. It is eating steak every weekend because it is your partner’s favorite meal (even though you hate it) and agreeing to Dr. Pepper at the movies (to save money) even though you prefer Coke! It’s finding the extremely convenient wedge between remaining who you are and remaining willingly available to another person; void of ego and analytical psycho babble - to coexist with someone who makes your heart sing, your lips quiver and your heart melt as smoothly as chocolate fondue!
There isn’t a day that passes by in married life or a married couple who doesn’t have full control of just how much happiness they experience in their wedded matrimony. Everybody has a choice to pay attention to the things that matter and ignore the things that don’t. Each and every moment comes with the opportunity to find happiness and joy or weigh it down with stress and responsibility. No one ever said there had to be a balance of both. By finding happiness in the simplicity of marriage and restoring the little things in life that lead to large memories and love all married couples can find happiness in marriage. Sure, there are twists and turns to everything in life but few are coupled with as much comfort and joy as marital bliss and companionship that exists because of and despite everything else going on in your world!
Just like the jar of jelly; happiness in marriage can be found again when you push away and move to the side all of those things that are staples in life. When you begin to look behind the surface and start to dig behind the exterior of years together and meaningless stuff that piles up high like canned goods - you will find the homemade jelly of your marriage; still fresh in the jar and ripe with the sweet sugar that was used to can it. It is then that the metaphorical bread of your life can be coated with only the savory and sweet happiness that all deserve and desire! Happiness in marriage is there – you just have to always be aware of exactly where to find it!
Friday, December 3, 2010
7 Ways To A Successful Marriage by Angie Lewis
What do you think would deem a marriage successful? Is your marriage successful or are you still working on bringing it into success? Couples may differ in what they believe constitutes a successful marriage. I have compiled a few thoughts that I think couples should incorporate into their own relationship for a successful marriage.
1. Proper Communication
In a successful marriage both husband and wife understand where the other stands on certain issues within the marriage, and are considerate of each other’s feelings. They don’t let matters pile up on the back burner to cause unneeded resentment and animosity later; instead they discuss issues in an appropriate manner when they come up.
2. Acceptance (tolerance, validation, forgiving, supportive)
Accepting one another is very important if you want a happy and satisfying marriage. By accepting the person you married, you are less likely to bring up faults and bad habits and later use those faults against them. True acceptance is loving the person you married in every respect.
3. Trust (confidence, faith, belief)
Couples who trust each other have more personal freedom within the marriage. There are no jealousy issues, and deceitful practices causing marital conflict. If you don’t trust your spouse, maybe it is because you don’t trust yourself?
4. Giving (kind, selfless, considerate, giving)
All good marriages understand the aspects of the give and take relationship. The selfless attitude of wanting the best for your spouse is what real love is all about. When you learn to give of yourself without wanting anything in return, you are actually giving something to yourself because goodness and giving will come back to you.
5. Respect (esteem, honor, admire)
If you want your marriage to grow and be successful, you have to respect the person you married. The more you value your spouse, and make them feel good about who they are, the more they will respect you for who you are. God gave you to each other, so cherish each and everyday with what God has blessed you with.
6. Healthy Attitude Towards Self
You need to have a healthy attitude about yourself for a successful marriage. This is what allows you to be free to give of yourself and to be accepting of each other. If you have a low self-image, or you have not given up a negative past, or you are ensnared within an addiction, etc, these things will keep you from loving wholly. First, take care of you! Then you can be a better marriage partner because of it, and then you can work on your marriage.
7. Spiritual Foundation
If your marriage makes use of the characteristics above then it is supported by God’s spiritual foundation. God is the one who gives us the gifts of real love. Only through Him are we made complete and whole to love others freely.
Jesus said, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (Luke 6:46-49)
1. Proper Communication
In a successful marriage both husband and wife understand where the other stands on certain issues within the marriage, and are considerate of each other’s feelings. They don’t let matters pile up on the back burner to cause unneeded resentment and animosity later; instead they discuss issues in an appropriate manner when they come up.
2. Acceptance (tolerance, validation, forgiving, supportive)
Accepting one another is very important if you want a happy and satisfying marriage. By accepting the person you married, you are less likely to bring up faults and bad habits and later use those faults against them. True acceptance is loving the person you married in every respect.
3. Trust (confidence, faith, belief)
Couples who trust each other have more personal freedom within the marriage. There are no jealousy issues, and deceitful practices causing marital conflict. If you don’t trust your spouse, maybe it is because you don’t trust yourself?
4. Giving (kind, selfless, considerate, giving)
All good marriages understand the aspects of the give and take relationship. The selfless attitude of wanting the best for your spouse is what real love is all about. When you learn to give of yourself without wanting anything in return, you are actually giving something to yourself because goodness and giving will come back to you.
5. Respect (esteem, honor, admire)
If you want your marriage to grow and be successful, you have to respect the person you married. The more you value your spouse, and make them feel good about who they are, the more they will respect you for who you are. God gave you to each other, so cherish each and everyday with what God has blessed you with.
6. Healthy Attitude Towards Self
You need to have a healthy attitude about yourself for a successful marriage. This is what allows you to be free to give of yourself and to be accepting of each other. If you have a low self-image, or you have not given up a negative past, or you are ensnared within an addiction, etc, these things will keep you from loving wholly. First, take care of you! Then you can be a better marriage partner because of it, and then you can work on your marriage.
7. Spiritual Foundation
If your marriage makes use of the characteristics above then it is supported by God’s spiritual foundation. God is the one who gives us the gifts of real love. Only through Him are we made complete and whole to love others freely.
Jesus said, “Why do you call me Lord, Lord, and not do what I say? I will show you what he is like who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice. He is like a man building a house who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.” (Luke 6:46-49)
Help for Couples Drifting Apart – How to Build a Stronger Marriage and Stay Connected
Marriage is bound to change from year-to-year. When a couple first walks down the aisle they can expect things to be rosy for a time. Hence, the honeymoon phase we all hear about. It's the time when a couple celebrates their love and discovers many new and exciting things about each other. That phase slowly morphs into real life and the small pressures that impact every married couple will begin to pop up. For some couples, drifting apart during this time feels inevitable. The emotional connection that was once there starts to feel weaker and unless something is done, the marriage will eventually be so strained it will be at risk of falling apart. If you're beginning to feel some distance between you and your spouse now, you have to take measures to change it.
Once you start to feel that something is shifting within your relationship you have to determine why it's happened. If there is an issue that you two are constantly butting heads on, try and find a solution that works for you both. Compromise is that the center of every successful marriage and it's something that you're going to have to introduce into your relationship too.
Maybe the issue is more about the two of you just not making each other a priority in life. This happens sometimes without the couple even fully realizing it. Tending to all the things that are required to keep a home and family running smoothly can be time consuming and something will generally have to suffer. In some cases, that something is the marriage and unless one or both partners works to remedy that, the relationship will continue to suffer instead of flourish.
If you want to build a stronger marriage you have to put in the time and effort to make that happen. You must focus some attention each and every day on your partner. That has to be uninterrupted time when the two of you can talk about all the issues at hand. That may be a chat about what's going on at work or who is going to be shuttling the children to ball practice. In addition, you also have to make the effort to talk about your relationship with one another. Unless that is nurtured with the proper attention it deserves, it's going to inevitably fail. Talk to your partner about making time for you two to spend alone together. It will make a tremendous difference and you'll feel much less like you're drifting apart.
Retrieved from "http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/help-for-couples-drifting-apart-how-to-build-a-stronger-marriage-and-stay-connected-3775422.html"
(ArticlesBase SC #3775422)
Once you start to feel that something is shifting within your relationship you have to determine why it's happened. If there is an issue that you two are constantly butting heads on, try and find a solution that works for you both. Compromise is that the center of every successful marriage and it's something that you're going to have to introduce into your relationship too.
Maybe the issue is more about the two of you just not making each other a priority in life. This happens sometimes without the couple even fully realizing it. Tending to all the things that are required to keep a home and family running smoothly can be time consuming and something will generally have to suffer. In some cases, that something is the marriage and unless one or both partners works to remedy that, the relationship will continue to suffer instead of flourish.
If you want to build a stronger marriage you have to put in the time and effort to make that happen. You must focus some attention each and every day on your partner. That has to be uninterrupted time when the two of you can talk about all the issues at hand. That may be a chat about what's going on at work or who is going to be shuttling the children to ball practice. In addition, you also have to make the effort to talk about your relationship with one another. Unless that is nurtured with the proper attention it deserves, it's going to inevitably fail. Talk to your partner about making time for you two to spend alone together. It will make a tremendous difference and you'll feel much less like you're drifting apart.
Retrieved from "http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/help-for-couples-drifting-apart-how-to-build-a-stronger-marriage-and-stay-connected-3775422.html"
(ArticlesBase SC #3775422)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Healing After an Affair - Why Is It So Painful to Rebuild Your Relationship After Cheating? By Coleta Stewart Platinum Quality Author
When you first find out about your spouse's affair, you are completely caught up in the very real pain of having been cheated upon and lied to. But after going through so much pain and the worst time of your life, after knowing that your spouse was with another person, you still choose to stay in your marriage. But the difficult work of rebuilding your marriage and healing after an affair is not going to be without its share of hurt and pain.
There sure will be times when you want to know why does it have to hurt so much and is it worth all the pain to give your marriage another chance. Only you can answer that and time will tell whether it was worth the effort or not. Pain is an important part of the healing process. You are feeling this pain because you still love your spouse despite what he or she has done to you.
The painful memories of the affair is not going to go away on its own. Both the affair victim and the cheating spouse will have to bring these painful memories out in the open and face them. They have to be dealt with and eventually put to rest if your marriage is going to have a second chance at surviving.
If you both still love each other and are committed to giving your marriage a second shot, then this pain will only be temporary while you work things out. With time it will become a distant memory. One thing that you and your spouse need to do during the process of healing after an affair is putting old wounds and issues to rest so that they do not become a problem in this new and better marriage that you are building.
Find out what you can do right now during the healing after an affair process to deal with the pain and get your marriage back on track.
There sure will be times when you want to know why does it have to hurt so much and is it worth all the pain to give your marriage another chance. Only you can answer that and time will tell whether it was worth the effort or not. Pain is an important part of the healing process. You are feeling this pain because you still love your spouse despite what he or she has done to you.
The painful memories of the affair is not going to go away on its own. Both the affair victim and the cheating spouse will have to bring these painful memories out in the open and face them. They have to be dealt with and eventually put to rest if your marriage is going to have a second chance at surviving.
If you both still love each other and are committed to giving your marriage a second shot, then this pain will only be temporary while you work things out. With time it will become a distant memory. One thing that you and your spouse need to do during the process of healing after an affair is putting old wounds and issues to rest so that they do not become a problem in this new and better marriage that you are building.
Find out what you can do right now during the healing after an affair process to deal with the pain and get your marriage back on track.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Healing After An Affair - Where Do I Begin? Submitted By: Coleta Stewart
When you find out that your spouse broke your marital vows and went outside your marriage, the betrayal you experience runs so deep that it shakes the very foundations of your relationship. You experience an overwhelming sense of confusion, sadness, hurt, anger and grief. You may even be afraid that it is all over between the two of you. But it doesn't have to be. Healing after an affair is not hopeless, you can still repair the damage done to your marriage even if you are now feeling lost and don't know what to do, where to begin or what should you do first.
There is no doubt that a cheating spouse is one of the biggest kicks in the gut that anyone can receive. You are haunted by unanswered questions about the affair, not to mention the emotions, feelings and thoughts going through your mind when you found out about the affair.
Emotions and feelings you can expect to feel after the affair
Disbelief. The one person you thought you could trust with every ounce of your being and never have to worry about has betrayed you in the worst way possible. It's discouraging to realize that you have invested in a relationship with a dishonest spouse. As hard as it seems, you have to accept that the affair did happen, it's the only way for you to move forward and heal.
Feeling Insecure. Your husband's cheating has shattered your entire life and make you feel as insecure as a little, abandoned girl. You struggle with insecurity and low self esteem. You're so full of self-hate and negativity that you hardly recognize yourself anymore.
Sadness. He was supposed to ‘belong’ to you, so knowing others have had what is rightfully yours feels invasive to your marriage vows. The thought makes you feel sad You don't know if you'll ever feel completely safe and trusting again with your spouse who did such a terrible thing.
Confused. You always felt like you had a great marriage only to have everything you ever thought you new about your wonderful spouse, your marriages, your purpose in life, your identity, your self-worth and self-esteem blasted by what feels like a bomb just dropped on your lap. If you didn't recognize any warning signs that your spouse was cheating on you, that can leave you feeling very confused and questioning how well you knew your spouse to begin with.
Low self-esteem. The blow to your self-esteem is hard to take. You have this internal dialogue all day every day about how the other person is better than you. You feel so embarrassed and so ashamed – telling yourself that they must think there is something wrong with you and that he must really enjoy her company and conversation and what is he doing with you.
After learning of your spouse's cheating, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process. There are three parties involved in a relationship after an affair; the injured spouse, the person who cheated, and the relationship. In order to save the marriage, both the injured and the cheating spouse need to sort out specific issues before they can even begin to work on their marriage.
Healing after an affair for the injured spouse
As the injured, you have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. You have to learn how to effectively handle all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace once again. Healing after an affair can’t happen until you have looked after yourself first.
Give yourself top priority
In the aftermath of the affair, you're struggling to hold everything together. Life is still going on all around you and there are still all those family obligations that need to be taken care of. Despite all that is going on in your life right now, it’s imperative that you focus on yourself, first and foremost and put your needs first as this will help you to heal.
Boost your self-esteem
Learn to replace the broken record of self-doubt and self-recriminations with more positive thoughts about you. Tell yourself something great about you everyday, remember how you thought of yourself before the affair.
Write down what you are feeling
Keep a written (or electronic) journal of your day to day struggles and challenges. How you are working through them now and what you think your ideal future will look like. Then commit to taking one action, whether its daily or weekly that is going to move you closer to your vision.
There is no quick fix or magic pill when healing after an affair to make it all go away. As the cheating victim you have to take action to move forward, even when you don’t feel you can. Be in control of your crushed emotions. Start thinking about all the good things about yourself and your life together. It is not going to be easy to replace the negative movie of your spouse and the other person with a more positive one with you in it, but you'll eventually get to the point where you can see the two of you having a great future together.
There is no doubt that a cheating spouse is one of the biggest kicks in the gut that anyone can receive. You are haunted by unanswered questions about the affair, not to mention the emotions, feelings and thoughts going through your mind when you found out about the affair.
Emotions and feelings you can expect to feel after the affair
Disbelief. The one person you thought you could trust with every ounce of your being and never have to worry about has betrayed you in the worst way possible. It's discouraging to realize that you have invested in a relationship with a dishonest spouse. As hard as it seems, you have to accept that the affair did happen, it's the only way for you to move forward and heal.
Feeling Insecure. Your husband's cheating has shattered your entire life and make you feel as insecure as a little, abandoned girl. You struggle with insecurity and low self esteem. You're so full of self-hate and negativity that you hardly recognize yourself anymore.
Sadness. He was supposed to ‘belong’ to you, so knowing others have had what is rightfully yours feels invasive to your marriage vows. The thought makes you feel sad You don't know if you'll ever feel completely safe and trusting again with your spouse who did such a terrible thing.
Confused. You always felt like you had a great marriage only to have everything you ever thought you new about your wonderful spouse, your marriages, your purpose in life, your identity, your self-worth and self-esteem blasted by what feels like a bomb just dropped on your lap. If you didn't recognize any warning signs that your spouse was cheating on you, that can leave you feeling very confused and questioning how well you knew your spouse to begin with.
Low self-esteem. The blow to your self-esteem is hard to take. You have this internal dialogue all day every day about how the other person is better than you. You feel so embarrassed and so ashamed – telling yourself that they must think there is something wrong with you and that he must really enjoy her company and conversation and what is he doing with you.
After learning of your spouse's cheating, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process. There are three parties involved in a relationship after an affair; the injured spouse, the person who cheated, and the relationship. In order to save the marriage, both the injured and the cheating spouse need to sort out specific issues before they can even begin to work on their marriage.
Healing after an affair for the injured spouse
As the injured, you have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. You have to learn how to effectively handle all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace once again. Healing after an affair can’t happen until you have looked after yourself first.
Give yourself top priority
In the aftermath of the affair, you're struggling to hold everything together. Life is still going on all around you and there are still all those family obligations that need to be taken care of. Despite all that is going on in your life right now, it’s imperative that you focus on yourself, first and foremost and put your needs first as this will help you to heal.
Boost your self-esteem
Learn to replace the broken record of self-doubt and self-recriminations with more positive thoughts about you. Tell yourself something great about you everyday, remember how you thought of yourself before the affair.
Write down what you are feeling
Keep a written (or electronic) journal of your day to day struggles and challenges. How you are working through them now and what you think your ideal future will look like. Then commit to taking one action, whether its daily or weekly that is going to move you closer to your vision.
There is no quick fix or magic pill when healing after an affair to make it all go away. As the cheating victim you have to take action to move forward, even when you don’t feel you can. Be in control of your crushed emotions. Start thinking about all the good things about yourself and your life together. It is not going to be easy to replace the negative movie of your spouse and the other person with a more positive one with you in it, but you'll eventually get to the point where you can see the two of you having a great future together.
Save Marriage Guide For Those Who Desire To Succeed
There is hundreds of different guides available claiming to be able to help you save your marriage and stop your divorce. However most of them are pure fluff, or offering techniques which requires both partner to work on it. We took the trouble of weeding them out and review the most popular guides for you. You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the best information now. If you’re willing to give the methods laid out in the guides a chance, you’ll be amazed at where your marriage is in a relatively short time from now. Below are our best pick:
1. Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce
Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce is our hands down favorite guide to saving your marriage and stopping your divorce. The guide was written by Dr. Katie Zaltman, Ph.D, a relationship guru and marriage counselor for over 30 years. The guide offers abundance of fast acting and effective strategies, which only requires the work of a single partner. Although written by a Ph.D holder, the text in the guide is easy to understand and to implement. You can use the techniques immediately and see quick result. It is suitable for nearly every couple and unique situation. The guide has produced the highest number of success stories from extremely satisfied users.
2. Save My Marriage Today
Amy Waterman, author of Save My Marriage Today, has been in the business of saving marriage and stopping divorce for a long time. Amy’s methods and ideas are superior and easy to understand. The guide has been extremely successful in the art of saving marriage and preventing divorce. It doesn’t preach that you have to change yourself to be a better person for your spouse or tell you that you need to give in to your partner demand and every want. Instead, Amy teaches you sure fire techniques to save your marriage. Amy works with a great team of relationship experts to bring you superior techniques of saving marriage and preventing divorce. With purchase of this guide, you have access to the team, around-the-clock via e-mail, to answer your specific need.
3. Keep Your Marriage
Keep Your Marriage was written by married couple, Nancy Wasson, Ph.D, a marriage counselor with 25 years experience, and Lee Hefner. It is an excellent book that provides great ideas, fewer tips compared to our first and second rated book, and thoroughly explained to guide you on the path to a much-improved marital relationship with your partner. Although the book was seem to be written for psychology graduates and occasionally too dry, it offers valuable and effective methods in the prevention of divorce. In one section the guide accurately show how common methods for communication and counseling can actually backfire. This book is actually quite a bargain when you consider you are receiving advice from happily married couple with vast experience of personal and professional experience.
4. Save the Marriage
In Save the Marriage, marriage counselor Dr. Lee Baucom makes sense of a difficult subject, giving advice and guidance with specific examples which help you to understand the psychology of marriage and relationships. This guide offers a lot of helpful information about saving marriages and repairing broken relationships. The divorce prevention methods found in this book are proactive and can be found in many divorce prevention guides. If you are looking for common or traditional methods for divorce prevention which have proven themselves in the past, then this might be the right book for you.
1. Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce
Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce is our hands down favorite guide to saving your marriage and stopping your divorce. The guide was written by Dr. Katie Zaltman, Ph.D, a relationship guru and marriage counselor for over 30 years. The guide offers abundance of fast acting and effective strategies, which only requires the work of a single partner. Although written by a Ph.D holder, the text in the guide is easy to understand and to implement. You can use the techniques immediately and see quick result. It is suitable for nearly every couple and unique situation. The guide has produced the highest number of success stories from extremely satisfied users.
2. Save My Marriage Today
Amy Waterman, author of Save My Marriage Today, has been in the business of saving marriage and stopping divorce for a long time. Amy’s methods and ideas are superior and easy to understand. The guide has been extremely successful in the art of saving marriage and preventing divorce. It doesn’t preach that you have to change yourself to be a better person for your spouse or tell you that you need to give in to your partner demand and every want. Instead, Amy teaches you sure fire techniques to save your marriage. Amy works with a great team of relationship experts to bring you superior techniques of saving marriage and preventing divorce. With purchase of this guide, you have access to the team, around-the-clock via e-mail, to answer your specific need.
3. Keep Your Marriage
Keep Your Marriage was written by married couple, Nancy Wasson, Ph.D, a marriage counselor with 25 years experience, and Lee Hefner. It is an excellent book that provides great ideas, fewer tips compared to our first and second rated book, and thoroughly explained to guide you on the path to a much-improved marital relationship with your partner. Although the book was seem to be written for psychology graduates and occasionally too dry, it offers valuable and effective methods in the prevention of divorce. In one section the guide accurately show how common methods for communication and counseling can actually backfire. This book is actually quite a bargain when you consider you are receiving advice from happily married couple with vast experience of personal and professional experience.
4. Save the Marriage
In Save the Marriage, marriage counselor Dr. Lee Baucom makes sense of a difficult subject, giving advice and guidance with specific examples which help you to understand the psychology of marriage and relationships. This guide offers a lot of helpful information about saving marriages and repairing broken relationships. The divorce prevention methods found in this book are proactive and can be found in many divorce prevention guides. If you are looking for common or traditional methods for divorce prevention which have proven themselves in the past, then this might be the right book for you.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
How To Save My Marriage - 5 Tips On Making Things Better
Marriages can run into serious problems for a whole slew of reasons. In fact, the specific type of problem that each marriage faces has subtle nuances all its own. This is due in part to the fact that each marriage is made up of two unique individuals who are acting and interacting in their own, special ways.
Regardless of the complex causes of dissatisfaction in each particular marriage, the types of complaints that one generally hears from married people about why their marriage is not satisfying tend to sound pretty similar. They usually boil down to: one or both individuals feeling neglected, having lost the attraction they used to feel for their mate, having trouble finding the time to spend quality time together, or just being bored with themselves or each other.
It is these similarities among the symptoms of most unhappy marriages that provide a useful point of departure for helping couples figure out just what exactly is wrong and how they can potentially save the marriage.
If you wondering, "Where can I find free advice on how to save my marriage?", here are 5 tips on making things better:
1. Recognize that your marriage is not doomed to fail or succeed:
When your marriage is going poorly, it can be easy to develop a complex in your own head, as if to say, "My marriage is doomed - nothing can help us now." This is simply not the case. While some marriages seem to go more smoothly than others, the vast majority of them have the chance to fail or succeed. They are not doomed by fate.
2. The power to change your marriage is within both of you:
It is important to recognize that both you and your spouse have the ability to influence your marriage for the better. The powerlessness that comes with a marriage-gone-sour can be self-defeating. You can turn around this feeling by recognizing in each other the power to change the course of the marriage.
3. Start by establishing some common ground between you:
The first step in fixing any trouble human relationship, including marriage, is to find some common ground. Remember that at some point in the past, the two of you saw eye-to-eye on enough things in life that you committed to spending the rest of your lives together. Try to work your way back to that point of commonality. That is where you will find your power to make a difference.
4. Each of you needs to recognize that you are part of the problem:
When your spouse is annoying you or worse, it is very easy to think thoughts such as, "If only they would change, we could have the chance to be happy." Recognize that it is always the case that both of you had a part to play in bringing your marriage to where you are now.
5. Agree to do whatever it takes to find the right solution:
Now, talk with your spouse and get each other's buy-in that you will do whatever you can to find the right solution to save your marriage.
Consider these 5 free tips on how to save your marriage.
Retrieved from "http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/free-advice-on-how-to-save-my-marriage-5-tips-on-making-things-better-3719230.html"
Regardless of the complex causes of dissatisfaction in each particular marriage, the types of complaints that one generally hears from married people about why their marriage is not satisfying tend to sound pretty similar. They usually boil down to: one or both individuals feeling neglected, having lost the attraction they used to feel for their mate, having trouble finding the time to spend quality time together, or just being bored with themselves or each other.
It is these similarities among the symptoms of most unhappy marriages that provide a useful point of departure for helping couples figure out just what exactly is wrong and how they can potentially save the marriage.
If you wondering, "Where can I find free advice on how to save my marriage?", here are 5 tips on making things better:
1. Recognize that your marriage is not doomed to fail or succeed:
When your marriage is going poorly, it can be easy to develop a complex in your own head, as if to say, "My marriage is doomed - nothing can help us now." This is simply not the case. While some marriages seem to go more smoothly than others, the vast majority of them have the chance to fail or succeed. They are not doomed by fate.
2. The power to change your marriage is within both of you:
It is important to recognize that both you and your spouse have the ability to influence your marriage for the better. The powerlessness that comes with a marriage-gone-sour can be self-defeating. You can turn around this feeling by recognizing in each other the power to change the course of the marriage.
3. Start by establishing some common ground between you:
The first step in fixing any trouble human relationship, including marriage, is to find some common ground. Remember that at some point in the past, the two of you saw eye-to-eye on enough things in life that you committed to spending the rest of your lives together. Try to work your way back to that point of commonality. That is where you will find your power to make a difference.
4. Each of you needs to recognize that you are part of the problem:
When your spouse is annoying you or worse, it is very easy to think thoughts such as, "If only they would change, we could have the chance to be happy." Recognize that it is always the case that both of you had a part to play in bringing your marriage to where you are now.
5. Agree to do whatever it takes to find the right solution:
Now, talk with your spouse and get each other's buy-in that you will do whatever you can to find the right solution to save your marriage.
Consider these 5 free tips on how to save your marriage.
Retrieved from "http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/free-advice-on-how-to-save-my-marriage-5-tips-on-making-things-better-3719230.html"
Monday, September 27, 2010
Nine Tips for having a Smart Marriage
Nine Tips for having a Smart Marriage@ from the Smart Marriages Conferences:
1. Marriage matters. Married people & their kids do better on all measures of health, wealth, happiness, & success. And, married folks report having more & better sex than single or divorced people.
2. It's not the differences but how we handle them that separate successful marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn’t predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance, contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways that help you fall more in love.
3. All happily married couples have approximately ten irreconcilable differences - ten issues they will never resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten new issues that are likely to be even more annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are children from an earlier marriage or relationship, disagreements about them go to the top of the list. What's important is to discuss our own set of issues just as we would discuss how to manage living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We wish they weren't there, but what’s important is to keep talking about how to manage them and still do the marriage “dance”.
4. Marital satisfaction often dips with the birth of a baby. That's normal. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate our parenting partner – and hang in. It makes good sense to stay married for the sake of the kids - and for our own sake. Even with the challenges, it’s a lot easier to be a parenting team than to be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back up with the empty nest. The final stage of marriage – with a job well done – is the real honeymoon period.
5 Sex ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make time for more “flows”.
6. Creating good marital sex is not about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex life. Early marital sex is sex between strangers – we don't yet know our partner or ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex based on knowing our partner and letting them know us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's not about going BACK; it's about going FORWARD, together.
7. Repair attempts are crucial and are highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up after an argument, is central to every happy marriage.
8. Learn to welcome, embrace and integrate change – to discuss and update your wishes, hopes & dreams – on a regular basis. We often “interview” each other before marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with changes in your partner. Don’t fear changes, celebrate them!
9. Try several different marriage education courses. Become informed consumers – rate the Compromising Positions
1. Marriage matters. Married people & their kids do better on all measures of health, wealth, happiness, & success. And, married folks report having more & better sex than single or divorced people.
2. It's not the differences but how we handle them that separate successful marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn’t predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance, contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways that help you fall more in love.
3. All happily married couples have approximately ten irreconcilable differences - ten issues they will never resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten new issues that are likely to be even more annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are children from an earlier marriage or relationship, disagreements about them go to the top of the list. What's important is to discuss our own set of issues just as we would discuss how to manage living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We wish they weren't there, but what’s important is to keep talking about how to manage them and still do the marriage “dance”.
4. Marital satisfaction often dips with the birth of a baby. That's normal. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate our parenting partner – and hang in. It makes good sense to stay married for the sake of the kids - and for our own sake. Even with the challenges, it’s a lot easier to be a parenting team than to be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back up with the empty nest. The final stage of marriage – with a job well done – is the real honeymoon period.
5 Sex ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make time for more “flows”.
6. Creating good marital sex is not about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex life. Early marital sex is sex between strangers – we don't yet know our partner or ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex based on knowing our partner and letting them know us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's not about going BACK; it's about going FORWARD, together.
7. Repair attempts are crucial and are highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up after an argument, is central to every happy marriage.
8. Learn to welcome, embrace and integrate change – to discuss and update your wishes, hopes & dreams – on a regular basis. We often “interview” each other before marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with changes in your partner. Don’t fear changes, celebrate them!
9. Try several different marriage education courses. Become informed consumers – rate the Compromising Positions
Monday, March 22, 2010
DATING THE FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE
DATING THE FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE
Dating could be described as the start of marital arrangement by a man and a woman that are of marriageable age. But we should look at dating with view to marriage when the two have agreed to that and when they have confirmed their love for each other. It is advisable to want to know each other well. Dating can afford the two the opportunity of knowing even better, if they are sincere to themselves. There is problem for many who have chosen to concentrate on the negatives leaving shoving the positives aside and these should be the main points that will be watched on.
Dating could be a time of seeing each other more often and spending quality time together, also exploring to know the interest and the dispositions of your intending mate more fully. This should be a time for serious reflections on the ideals of the kind of marriage one wants.
The question of chosen the suitable mate is answered within the framework of dating, but the big question is on what should one focus his or her attention while dating? I would answer to the affirmative that focusing on the inner-person is better; it will give you a better result. Why? The words of the originator of marriage gives an insight as to this, it says “and do not let your adornment be that of external braiding of the hair and of putting on of Gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garment, but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quit and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God”. It went further to state “charms may be false and prettiness may be vain; but the woman or man that fears God is the one that procures praise for him or her self”. From those words of the originator of marriage, we can see that most men and women do make mistake while dating with view to marriage.
For lasting marriage relationship, why not make it your aim to choose a man or woman that meets with the grand purpose of marriage according to Gods principles. Do not focus on those things that are everlasting and not on transients which will fade very fast.
You ought to select a mate based not on beauty, physical appearances and sentiments, but on facts and secrete person of the heart. Not on racial, ethnic or cultural backgrounds, but on LOVE that is based on principles that harmonizes with God’s.
Let us veer into some of the principles of God that we should not ignore even while dating with view to marriage. To please God, we should keep our relationship with the opposite sex honorable and date with view to marriage not on selfish reasons or to hurt the feelings of another. DO NOT DELIBRATELY BREAK ANY BODY’S HEART.
How can you keep your relationship clean and undefiled in God’s eyes especially in view of the tremendous pressure on intending couples to throw moral restrain aside? First you should recognize that God’s standards were set down with our very best interest in mind. For example, God’s word says “I God am your God, the one teaching you to benefit your self, the one causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk. O! if only you would actually pay attention to my commandments. Then your peace would become just like a river, and your righteousness like the waves if the sea.” Yes, the commandment and principles set down in God’s inspired word the Holy Bible are for our benefit. Those words show the depth of our creators care for us and that he wants us to be happy and successful in all aspects of our lives including dating and marriage.
Accept the truth about yourself and do not deceive your intending marriage mate. You will not benefit yourself by hiding what you are to your intending marriage mate. Tell him or her whole truth about you. Why? Honesty pays better dividends than falsehood. By imitating our God by been honest will endear you to the heart of your intending mate. DO NOT ALLOW DECIET TO RULE YOUR DATE WITH ANY ONE. Try to heed the admonition of the originator of marriage it says “The heart is treacherous than anything else and is desperate, who can know it” it went further to say “ He or she that is trusting in his own heart is stupid, but he or she that is walking in wisdom is the one that will escape.
Since dating is a serious business allow the wisdom from above to guide you, never to fall into the trap of those who want to satisfy their lust. Why this is germane is that if you are not guided by Godly wisdom you may allow sexual feelings to becloud your sense of reasoning. For true guidance, why not confide in your parents if they have good virtues or better still those matured spouses who had exemplary marriages, these ones would be of immense help. For ultimate result LISTEN TO God’s word about marriage, you will be happy you did.
YOUR BEHAVIORS SHOULD BE CLEARLY DEFINED DURING DATING OR CUORTSHIP. Your behaviors during courtship or dating period should be well understood by your intending mate, for example, if your partner is asked about your behavior would he or she give a straight forward answer to such question. When you are not invincible as to your behavior you will be building your marriage foundation on solid rock like the one you will find in God’s word which says “the wise man build his house on a rock and the rain fall and the wind blew and the Sun shown against the house and it did not shake or cave in because the house is built on solid rock. But to the contrary if you start you date with false you will be liken to that foolish man described in God’s word which says “the foolish man that build his house on sandy soil and the wind blew and the Sun shown and the rain fall against the house and the collapse of the house was great because it has its foundation on sand. Of the two which would you prefer? The choice is yours.
Dating could be described as the start of marital arrangement by a man and a woman that are of marriageable age. But we should look at dating with view to marriage when the two have agreed to that and when they have confirmed their love for each other. It is advisable to want to know each other well. Dating can afford the two the opportunity of knowing even better, if they are sincere to themselves. There is problem for many who have chosen to concentrate on the negatives leaving shoving the positives aside and these should be the main points that will be watched on.
Dating could be a time of seeing each other more often and spending quality time together, also exploring to know the interest and the dispositions of your intending mate more fully. This should be a time for serious reflections on the ideals of the kind of marriage one wants.
The question of chosen the suitable mate is answered within the framework of dating, but the big question is on what should one focus his or her attention while dating? I would answer to the affirmative that focusing on the inner-person is better; it will give you a better result. Why? The words of the originator of marriage gives an insight as to this, it says “and do not let your adornment be that of external braiding of the hair and of putting on of Gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garment, but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quit and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God”. It went further to state “charms may be false and prettiness may be vain; but the woman or man that fears God is the one that procures praise for him or her self”. From those words of the originator of marriage, we can see that most men and women do make mistake while dating with view to marriage.
For lasting marriage relationship, why not make it your aim to choose a man or woman that meets with the grand purpose of marriage according to Gods principles. Do not focus on those things that are everlasting and not on transients which will fade very fast.
You ought to select a mate based not on beauty, physical appearances and sentiments, but on facts and secrete person of the heart. Not on racial, ethnic or cultural backgrounds, but on LOVE that is based on principles that harmonizes with God’s.
Let us veer into some of the principles of God that we should not ignore even while dating with view to marriage. To please God, we should keep our relationship with the opposite sex honorable and date with view to marriage not on selfish reasons or to hurt the feelings of another. DO NOT DELIBRATELY BREAK ANY BODY’S HEART.
How can you keep your relationship clean and undefiled in God’s eyes especially in view of the tremendous pressure on intending couples to throw moral restrain aside? First you should recognize that God’s standards were set down with our very best interest in mind. For example, God’s word says “I God am your God, the one teaching you to benefit your self, the one causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk. O! if only you would actually pay attention to my commandments. Then your peace would become just like a river, and your righteousness like the waves if the sea.” Yes, the commandment and principles set down in God’s inspired word the Holy Bible are for our benefit. Those words show the depth of our creators care for us and that he wants us to be happy and successful in all aspects of our lives including dating and marriage.
Accept the truth about yourself and do not deceive your intending marriage mate. You will not benefit yourself by hiding what you are to your intending marriage mate. Tell him or her whole truth about you. Why? Honesty pays better dividends than falsehood. By imitating our God by been honest will endear you to the heart of your intending mate. DO NOT ALLOW DECIET TO RULE YOUR DATE WITH ANY ONE. Try to heed the admonition of the originator of marriage it says “The heart is treacherous than anything else and is desperate, who can know it” it went further to say “ He or she that is trusting in his own heart is stupid, but he or she that is walking in wisdom is the one that will escape.
Since dating is a serious business allow the wisdom from above to guide you, never to fall into the trap of those who want to satisfy their lust. Why this is germane is that if you are not guided by Godly wisdom you may allow sexual feelings to becloud your sense of reasoning. For true guidance, why not confide in your parents if they have good virtues or better still those matured spouses who had exemplary marriages, these ones would be of immense help. For ultimate result LISTEN TO God’s word about marriage, you will be happy you did.
YOUR BEHAVIORS SHOULD BE CLEARLY DEFINED DURING DATING OR CUORTSHIP. Your behaviors during courtship or dating period should be well understood by your intending mate, for example, if your partner is asked about your behavior would he or she give a straight forward answer to such question. When you are not invincible as to your behavior you will be building your marriage foundation on solid rock like the one you will find in God’s word which says “the wise man build his house on a rock and the rain fall and the wind blew and the Sun shown against the house and it did not shake or cave in because the house is built on solid rock. But to the contrary if you start you date with false you will be liken to that foolish man described in God’s word which says “the foolish man that build his house on sandy soil and the wind blew and the Sun shown and the rain fall against the house and the collapse of the house was great because it has its foundation on sand. Of the two which would you prefer? The choice is yours.
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Basics Of Marriage
FUNDAMENTALS OF MARRIAGE
The basics of marriage must be taken into consideration, for example, if you want to construct a building, it will not be ideal to start it without first having a careful preparations which includes the following; before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and plans drawn up , the cost should be counted so as to meet the requirement set out in the holy Book the Bible which says “Who of you that want to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense, to see if he has enough to complete it? In a similar vain, marriage could be likened to constructing a building. A for the success of it, any who wants to get married should ask or consider the cost of getting married in terms of physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of it. Therefore, those contemplating marriage need to have a realistic view of both the blessing and the cost of being married.
From the outset, one need to stop and ask, am I ready for marriage? As was said of constructing a building, yes! Constructing a building may be expensive, but caring for its long – term maintenance is costly as well. The same could be seen in marriage. Getting married seems challenging enough, however, maintaining a marital relationship year after year must be considered. The big question is, what does maintaining such a relationship entail?
If you could follow the words of the originator of marriage which states “A man will leave his mother and father and “MUST” stick to his wife and they must become one flesh”. By analyzing those words, it showed the kind of commitment that is to be shown between the couples. One sticking to the other in a mutual understanding of what marriage is all about, forming a bond. So if you are contemplating marriage you ought to bear those words in mind, if you are already married you should reevaluate your priorities in your marriage based on those words, to see if you are in line with those words of wisdom an this shows whether you value your solemn commitment.
Are you one of those who feels that the idea of a solemn commitment frightens you? For example, a young man confesses “knowing that the two of us ( himself and the wife) were stuck together for life made me feel pushed into Corner and closed totally confined”. To the contrary if you really love the person you intend to marry or have married to, commitment will not seem like a burden instead, it will be viewed as a source of security. Do not be carried away, the sense of commitment implied in marriage will make a couple want to stay together through good times and bad and to be supportive to each other come what may. Do you know that the commitment of marriage makes one to feel more secure? The security here is total and refreshing enabling each of the mates to want to see the other every minute of the day.
From the outset, one need to stop and ask, am I ready for marriage? As was said of constructing a building, yes! Constructing a building may be expensive, but caring for its long – term maintenance is costly as well. The same could be seen in marriage. Getting married seems challenging enough, however, maintaining a marital relationship year after year must be considered. The big question is, what does maintaining such a relationship entail?
If you could follow the words of the originator of marriage which states “A man will leave his mother and father and “MUST” stick to his wife and they must become one flesh”. By analyzing those words, it showed the kind of commitment that is to be shown between the couples. One sticking to the other in a mutual understanding of what marriage is all about, forming a bond. So if you are contemplating marriage you ought to bear those words in mind, if you are already married you should reevaluate your priorities in your marriage based on those words, to see if you are in line with those words of wisdom an this shows whether you value your solemn commitment.
Are you one of those who feels that the idea of a solemn commitment frightens you? For example, a young man confesses “knowing that the two of us ( himself and the wife) were stuck together for life made me feel pushed into Corner and closed totally confined”. To the contrary if you really love the person you intend to marry or have married to, commitment will not seem like a burden instead, it will be viewed as a source of security. Do not be carried away, the sense of commitment implied in marriage will make a couple want to stay together through good times and bad and to be supportive to each other come what may. Do you know that the commitment of marriage makes one to feel more secure? The security here is total and refreshing enabling each of the mates to want to see the other every minute of the day.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Marriages are ment to last , why the opposite?
I have watched many marriages crumble. As arrogant as it may sound, I know why they all do. I use to think that marital problems were unique and complicated. Well, although marital problems can make your life complicated I hardly believe there are any unique marital problems out there. I therefore think I can speak directly to your marriage. Lets see how I do.....
The relationship begins. The intial phase of being "in love" starts. This is a very powerful phase. Being "in love" is a feeling that no drug could ever match. This person makes you look forward to every day. Thinking about the person puts a smile on your face. This person makes you feel "complete". You feel confident to face the world. Your life makes sense and you are very optimistic about the future. It usally is remembered as one of the happiest times of your life. This phase can be a few months or a couple of years (if you are lucky). Unfortuantely, this phase is not real life. No earthly person can do these things for you. This is an important point. Remember it.
The problem begins when the "in love" drug starts to wear off. It may have worn off while you were engaged. It may have been two years into your marriage. It may have happend to your spouse first. No matter....it happens to both partners eventually. You can probably identify the month or year the "in love" phase ended for you. Whenever it happened, the big problem is that you are married and not in love. Your spouse no longer makes you happy. This person does not make you feel whole. Being married to this person now makes you uncertain of your future. Your life looks bleak. You have more problems and they are bigger than ever before. You see imperfections in your spouse that you never noticed before. A sense of doom, embarrassment, regret, and shame overcome you. You feel trapped by the marriage and wonder how you made such a big mistake. Your spouse is feeling these same feeling. He/she may not be able to verbalize these feelings to you but they are there....somewhere.
What happens now? You had two choices.....sacrifice yourself and everything and try to make your spouse happy or escape and make yourself happy. Usually one spouse picks to sacrifice and the other escapes. You might flip flop roles after a couple years. Neither role is healthy but it is too painful to face the fact that this is a doomed relationship. Escape?....how? It takes of few forms.....drugs, alchohol, affair, pornography, work, hobby, the kids. The last three are more acceptable in the eyes of society but they are no less of an escape. When you realize that none of this will either save your marrige or make you happy then depression usually sets in. Is this all starting to sound familiar?
This whole process from start to finish takes about 5-7 years (starting from "in love") In some marriages, both couples escape and they can delay the break up for many years. They simply wake up one day from their escape and realize there is no marriage left at all. I am sure you know a couple like that...."I can't believe they broke up after 20 years of marriage!"
I hope that knowing that your problems are very similar to millions of married people is some sort of comfort to you. People do not tend to share their marital problems. Every one puts on a good act in public. But you are definitely not alone. This sounds quite bleak doesn't it? There is a solution but it is not an easy one.
To fix this you have to start at the root of the problem....you. You and your spouse both came into this marriage broken in some way. We are all broken. We are born imperfect and we are only made more screwed up by our life experiences. Some of us end up more broken then others. Nevertheless, your first problem was looking to another human being to make you feel perfect again.....to fill that empty spot inside. Both you an your spouse have to agree to try a different approach to being married. Really, it is a new approach to life.
A marriage will not work by two broken pieces coming together. A marriage will only work if two whole pieces come together.
The formula to save your marriage:
1. Make yourself whole.
2. Your spouse makes him/her self whole.
3. Start over with a new marriage with a focus on nurturing your own "wholeness" while your spouse does the same.
How do you and your spouse make yourselves whole? Perhaps there are other ways to do it but I only see one. God. God is the only perfect creature on earth. It therefore only makes sense that He is the only one that can make you happy on the inside and fill that empty spot inside. You can try to fill that hole with various addictions, distractions, or indulgences. But their effect is temporary. It is a God-shaped hole. No human thing can fill it.
So my advice to save your marriage is to pray .....pray to God to make you whole. Try hard to let God's efforts be effective in you. Listen closely for God's answers inside you. THEN.....tell your spouse all the ways you want God to help you. Ask your spouse to pray for you. THEN... listen to your spouse when he/she tells you all the ways they want God to help hm/her. Pray for your spouse. Do not help your spouse if they can not see all of their imperfections. Tell God about them....let Him tell your spouse. Sharing your own imperfections with your spouse can be a very powerful thing. The more transparent you are with your spouse the closer you relationship will become. Praying for each other will only amplify the power of your openness with your spouse.
God will then become the foundation of your relationship instead of each other. Sounds like a better foundation to me.....doesn't it to you?
In the future, when you are unhappy with your marriage....look to God and look in the mirror. Looking at your spouse will not bring about effective change.
Kids
They are the joy of our life. We would do anything for them. We want only the best. The cruel irony is that focusing all of your emotional and physical efforts into your child's life will often contribute to the greatest pain in your child's life.....divorce. It is not an original thought of mine but it is worth mentioning that the primary relationship in a family is between the husband and wife. If the primary relationship is between the child and parent then the marriage will crumble. The greatest gift you can give to your child is a healthy marriage. It will bring them security, strength in building relationships, and a model to look back on for their marriage.
Friday, January 22, 2010
What Is Marriage
Marriage is God's arrangement designed to bring conviviality, happiness and love a man and a woman that are joined in this holly matrimoney. He made it to be a union of two foregiving individuals and the union to last as long as they live. Marriage from God's standpoint is different from the human standpoint and for it to endure it must be according to the originators principles, anything short of that will create heart break, unhappiness and subsequent break. So we are to ask the following questions;
How can one chose his or her mate wisely?
What should be the deciding factor if a marraige is to endure?
How should be allowed to play a vital role inmarriage?
How can one chose his or her mate wisely?
What should be the deciding factor if a marraige is to endure?
How should be allowed to play a vital role inmarriage?
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