When you find out that your spouse broke your marital vows and went outside your marriage, the betrayal you experience runs so deep that it shakes the very foundations of your relationship. You experience an overwhelming sense of confusion, sadness, hurt, anger and grief. You may even be afraid that it is all over between the two of you. But it doesn't have to be. Healing after an affair is not hopeless, you can still repair the damage done to your marriage even if you are now feeling lost and don't know what to do, where to begin or what should you do first.
There is no doubt that a cheating spouse is one of the biggest kicks in the gut that anyone can receive. You are haunted by unanswered questions about the affair, not to mention the emotions, feelings and thoughts going through your mind when you found out about the affair.
Emotions and feelings you can expect to feel after the affair
Disbelief. The one person you thought you could trust with every ounce of your being and never have to worry about has betrayed you in the worst way possible. It's discouraging to realize that you have invested in a relationship with a dishonest spouse. As hard as it seems, you have to accept that the affair did happen, it's the only way for you to move forward and heal.
Feeling Insecure. Your husband's cheating has shattered your entire life and make you feel as insecure as a little, abandoned girl. You struggle with insecurity and low self esteem. You're so full of self-hate and negativity that you hardly recognize yourself anymore.
Sadness. He was supposed to ‘belong’ to you, so knowing others have had what is rightfully yours feels invasive to your marriage vows. The thought makes you feel sad You don't know if you'll ever feel completely safe and trusting again with your spouse who did such a terrible thing.
Confused. You always felt like you had a great marriage only to have everything you ever thought you new about your wonderful spouse, your marriages, your purpose in life, your identity, your self-worth and self-esteem blasted by what feels like a bomb just dropped on your lap. If you didn't recognize any warning signs that your spouse was cheating on you, that can leave you feeling very confused and questioning how well you knew your spouse to begin with.
Low self-esteem. The blow to your self-esteem is hard to take. You have this internal dialogue all day every day about how the other person is better than you. You feel so embarrassed and so ashamed – telling yourself that they must think there is something wrong with you and that he must really enjoy her company and conversation and what is he doing with you.
After learning of your spouse's cheating, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process. There are three parties involved in a relationship after an affair; the injured spouse, the person who cheated, and the relationship. In order to save the marriage, both the injured and the cheating spouse need to sort out specific issues before they can even begin to work on their marriage.
Healing after an affair for the injured spouse
As the injured, you have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. You have to learn how to effectively handle all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace once again. Healing after an affair can’t happen until you have looked after yourself first.
Give yourself top priority
In the aftermath of the affair, you're struggling to hold everything together. Life is still going on all around you and there are still all those family obligations that need to be taken care of. Despite all that is going on in your life right now, it’s imperative that you focus on yourself, first and foremost and put your needs first as this will help you to heal.
Boost your self-esteem
Learn to replace the broken record of self-doubt and self-recriminations with more positive thoughts about you. Tell yourself something great about you everyday, remember how you thought of yourself before the affair.
Write down what you are feeling
Keep a written (or electronic) journal of your day to day struggles and challenges. How you are working through them now and what you think your ideal future will look like. Then commit to taking one action, whether its daily or weekly that is going to move you closer to your vision.
There is no quick fix or magic pill when healing after an affair to make it all go away. As the cheating victim you have to take action to move forward, even when you don’t feel you can. Be in control of your crushed emotions. Start thinking about all the good things about yourself and your life together. It is not going to be easy to replace the negative movie of your spouse and the other person with a more positive one with you in it, but you'll eventually get to the point where you can see the two of you having a great future together.
Information on marriage is crucial to the survival of families.
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Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Save Marriage Guide For Those Who Desire To Succeed
There is hundreds of different guides available claiming to be able to help you save your marriage and stop your divorce. However most of them are pure fluff, or offering techniques which requires both partner to work on it. We took the trouble of weeding them out and review the most popular guides for you. You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the best information now. If you’re willing to give the methods laid out in the guides a chance, you’ll be amazed at where your marriage is in a relatively short time from now. Below are our best pick:
1. Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce
Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce is our hands down favorite guide to saving your marriage and stopping your divorce. The guide was written by Dr. Katie Zaltman, Ph.D, a relationship guru and marriage counselor for over 30 years. The guide offers abundance of fast acting and effective strategies, which only requires the work of a single partner. Although written by a Ph.D holder, the text in the guide is easy to understand and to implement. You can use the techniques immediately and see quick result. It is suitable for nearly every couple and unique situation. The guide has produced the highest number of success stories from extremely satisfied users.
2. Save My Marriage Today
Amy Waterman, author of Save My Marriage Today, has been in the business of saving marriage and stopping divorce for a long time. Amy’s methods and ideas are superior and easy to understand. The guide has been extremely successful in the art of saving marriage and preventing divorce. It doesn’t preach that you have to change yourself to be a better person for your spouse or tell you that you need to give in to your partner demand and every want. Instead, Amy teaches you sure fire techniques to save your marriage. Amy works with a great team of relationship experts to bring you superior techniques of saving marriage and preventing divorce. With purchase of this guide, you have access to the team, around-the-clock via e-mail, to answer your specific need.
3. Keep Your Marriage
Keep Your Marriage was written by married couple, Nancy Wasson, Ph.D, a marriage counselor with 25 years experience, and Lee Hefner. It is an excellent book that provides great ideas, fewer tips compared to our first and second rated book, and thoroughly explained to guide you on the path to a much-improved marital relationship with your partner. Although the book was seem to be written for psychology graduates and occasionally too dry, it offers valuable and effective methods in the prevention of divorce. In one section the guide accurately show how common methods for communication and counseling can actually backfire. This book is actually quite a bargain when you consider you are receiving advice from happily married couple with vast experience of personal and professional experience.
4. Save the Marriage
In Save the Marriage, marriage counselor Dr. Lee Baucom makes sense of a difficult subject, giving advice and guidance with specific examples which help you to understand the psychology of marriage and relationships. This guide offers a lot of helpful information about saving marriages and repairing broken relationships. The divorce prevention methods found in this book are proactive and can be found in many divorce prevention guides. If you are looking for common or traditional methods for divorce prevention which have proven themselves in the past, then this might be the right book for you.
1. Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce
Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce is our hands down favorite guide to saving your marriage and stopping your divorce. The guide was written by Dr. Katie Zaltman, Ph.D, a relationship guru and marriage counselor for over 30 years. The guide offers abundance of fast acting and effective strategies, which only requires the work of a single partner. Although written by a Ph.D holder, the text in the guide is easy to understand and to implement. You can use the techniques immediately and see quick result. It is suitable for nearly every couple and unique situation. The guide has produced the highest number of success stories from extremely satisfied users.
2. Save My Marriage Today
Amy Waterman, author of Save My Marriage Today, has been in the business of saving marriage and stopping divorce for a long time. Amy’s methods and ideas are superior and easy to understand. The guide has been extremely successful in the art of saving marriage and preventing divorce. It doesn’t preach that you have to change yourself to be a better person for your spouse or tell you that you need to give in to your partner demand and every want. Instead, Amy teaches you sure fire techniques to save your marriage. Amy works with a great team of relationship experts to bring you superior techniques of saving marriage and preventing divorce. With purchase of this guide, you have access to the team, around-the-clock via e-mail, to answer your specific need.
3. Keep Your Marriage
Keep Your Marriage was written by married couple, Nancy Wasson, Ph.D, a marriage counselor with 25 years experience, and Lee Hefner. It is an excellent book that provides great ideas, fewer tips compared to our first and second rated book, and thoroughly explained to guide you on the path to a much-improved marital relationship with your partner. Although the book was seem to be written for psychology graduates and occasionally too dry, it offers valuable and effective methods in the prevention of divorce. In one section the guide accurately show how common methods for communication and counseling can actually backfire. This book is actually quite a bargain when you consider you are receiving advice from happily married couple with vast experience of personal and professional experience.
4. Save the Marriage
In Save the Marriage, marriage counselor Dr. Lee Baucom makes sense of a difficult subject, giving advice and guidance with specific examples which help you to understand the psychology of marriage and relationships. This guide offers a lot of helpful information about saving marriages and repairing broken relationships. The divorce prevention methods found in this book are proactive and can be found in many divorce prevention guides. If you are looking for common or traditional methods for divorce prevention which have proven themselves in the past, then this might be the right book for you.
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