When you first find out about your spouse's affair, you are completely caught up in the very real pain of having been cheated upon and lied to. But after going through so much pain and the worst time of your life, after knowing that your spouse was with another person, you still choose to stay in your marriage. But the difficult work of rebuilding your marriage and healing after an affair is not going to be without its share of hurt and pain.
There sure will be times when you want to know why does it have to hurt so much and is it worth all the pain to give your marriage another chance. Only you can answer that and time will tell whether it was worth the effort or not. Pain is an important part of the healing process. You are feeling this pain because you still love your spouse despite what he or she has done to you.
The painful memories of the affair is not going to go away on its own. Both the affair victim and the cheating spouse will have to bring these painful memories out in the open and face them. They have to be dealt with and eventually put to rest if your marriage is going to have a second chance at surviving.
If you both still love each other and are committed to giving your marriage a second shot, then this pain will only be temporary while you work things out. With time it will become a distant memory. One thing that you and your spouse need to do during the process of healing after an affair is putting old wounds and issues to rest so that they do not become a problem in this new and better marriage that you are building.
Find out what you can do right now during the healing after an affair process to deal with the pain and get your marriage back on track.
Information on marriage is crucial to the survival of families.
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Thursday, December 2, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Healing After An Affair - Where Do I Begin? Submitted By: Coleta Stewart
When you find out that your spouse broke your marital vows and went outside your marriage, the betrayal you experience runs so deep that it shakes the very foundations of your relationship. You experience an overwhelming sense of confusion, sadness, hurt, anger and grief. You may even be afraid that it is all over between the two of you. But it doesn't have to be. Healing after an affair is not hopeless, you can still repair the damage done to your marriage even if you are now feeling lost and don't know what to do, where to begin or what should you do first.
There is no doubt that a cheating spouse is one of the biggest kicks in the gut that anyone can receive. You are haunted by unanswered questions about the affair, not to mention the emotions, feelings and thoughts going through your mind when you found out about the affair.
Emotions and feelings you can expect to feel after the affair
Disbelief. The one person you thought you could trust with every ounce of your being and never have to worry about has betrayed you in the worst way possible. It's discouraging to realize that you have invested in a relationship with a dishonest spouse. As hard as it seems, you have to accept that the affair did happen, it's the only way for you to move forward and heal.
Feeling Insecure. Your husband's cheating has shattered your entire life and make you feel as insecure as a little, abandoned girl. You struggle with insecurity and low self esteem. You're so full of self-hate and negativity that you hardly recognize yourself anymore.
Sadness. He was supposed to ‘belong’ to you, so knowing others have had what is rightfully yours feels invasive to your marriage vows. The thought makes you feel sad You don't know if you'll ever feel completely safe and trusting again with your spouse who did such a terrible thing.
Confused. You always felt like you had a great marriage only to have everything you ever thought you new about your wonderful spouse, your marriages, your purpose in life, your identity, your self-worth and self-esteem blasted by what feels like a bomb just dropped on your lap. If you didn't recognize any warning signs that your spouse was cheating on you, that can leave you feeling very confused and questioning how well you knew your spouse to begin with.
Low self-esteem. The blow to your self-esteem is hard to take. You have this internal dialogue all day every day about how the other person is better than you. You feel so embarrassed and so ashamed – telling yourself that they must think there is something wrong with you and that he must really enjoy her company and conversation and what is he doing with you.
After learning of your spouse's cheating, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process. There are three parties involved in a relationship after an affair; the injured spouse, the person who cheated, and the relationship. In order to save the marriage, both the injured and the cheating spouse need to sort out specific issues before they can even begin to work on their marriage.
Healing after an affair for the injured spouse
As the injured, you have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. You have to learn how to effectively handle all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace once again. Healing after an affair can’t happen until you have looked after yourself first.
Give yourself top priority
In the aftermath of the affair, you're struggling to hold everything together. Life is still going on all around you and there are still all those family obligations that need to be taken care of. Despite all that is going on in your life right now, it’s imperative that you focus on yourself, first and foremost and put your needs first as this will help you to heal.
Boost your self-esteem
Learn to replace the broken record of self-doubt and self-recriminations with more positive thoughts about you. Tell yourself something great about you everyday, remember how you thought of yourself before the affair.
Write down what you are feeling
Keep a written (or electronic) journal of your day to day struggles and challenges. How you are working through them now and what you think your ideal future will look like. Then commit to taking one action, whether its daily or weekly that is going to move you closer to your vision.
There is no quick fix or magic pill when healing after an affair to make it all go away. As the cheating victim you have to take action to move forward, even when you don’t feel you can. Be in control of your crushed emotions. Start thinking about all the good things about yourself and your life together. It is not going to be easy to replace the negative movie of your spouse and the other person with a more positive one with you in it, but you'll eventually get to the point where you can see the two of you having a great future together.
There is no doubt that a cheating spouse is one of the biggest kicks in the gut that anyone can receive. You are haunted by unanswered questions about the affair, not to mention the emotions, feelings and thoughts going through your mind when you found out about the affair.
Emotions and feelings you can expect to feel after the affair
Disbelief. The one person you thought you could trust with every ounce of your being and never have to worry about has betrayed you in the worst way possible. It's discouraging to realize that you have invested in a relationship with a dishonest spouse. As hard as it seems, you have to accept that the affair did happen, it's the only way for you to move forward and heal.
Feeling Insecure. Your husband's cheating has shattered your entire life and make you feel as insecure as a little, abandoned girl. You struggle with insecurity and low self esteem. You're so full of self-hate and negativity that you hardly recognize yourself anymore.
Sadness. He was supposed to ‘belong’ to you, so knowing others have had what is rightfully yours feels invasive to your marriage vows. The thought makes you feel sad You don't know if you'll ever feel completely safe and trusting again with your spouse who did such a terrible thing.
Confused. You always felt like you had a great marriage only to have everything you ever thought you new about your wonderful spouse, your marriages, your purpose in life, your identity, your self-worth and self-esteem blasted by what feels like a bomb just dropped on your lap. If you didn't recognize any warning signs that your spouse was cheating on you, that can leave you feeling very confused and questioning how well you knew your spouse to begin with.
Low self-esteem. The blow to your self-esteem is hard to take. You have this internal dialogue all day every day about how the other person is better than you. You feel so embarrassed and so ashamed – telling yourself that they must think there is something wrong with you and that he must really enjoy her company and conversation and what is he doing with you.
After learning of your spouse's cheating, you may not know exactly where to begin the healing process. There are three parties involved in a relationship after an affair; the injured spouse, the person who cheated, and the relationship. In order to save the marriage, both the injured and the cheating spouse need to sort out specific issues before they can even begin to work on their marriage.
Healing after an affair for the injured spouse
As the injured, you have to deal with the negative impact of your spouse’s cheating actions. You have to learn how to effectively handle all of those negative thoughts and emotions, images of the affair, and self-doubts until you begin to feel some semblance of internal peace once again. Healing after an affair can’t happen until you have looked after yourself first.
Give yourself top priority
In the aftermath of the affair, you're struggling to hold everything together. Life is still going on all around you and there are still all those family obligations that need to be taken care of. Despite all that is going on in your life right now, it’s imperative that you focus on yourself, first and foremost and put your needs first as this will help you to heal.
Boost your self-esteem
Learn to replace the broken record of self-doubt and self-recriminations with more positive thoughts about you. Tell yourself something great about you everyday, remember how you thought of yourself before the affair.
Write down what you are feeling
Keep a written (or electronic) journal of your day to day struggles and challenges. How you are working through them now and what you think your ideal future will look like. Then commit to taking one action, whether its daily or weekly that is going to move you closer to your vision.
There is no quick fix or magic pill when healing after an affair to make it all go away. As the cheating victim you have to take action to move forward, even when you don’t feel you can. Be in control of your crushed emotions. Start thinking about all the good things about yourself and your life together. It is not going to be easy to replace the negative movie of your spouse and the other person with a more positive one with you in it, but you'll eventually get to the point where you can see the two of you having a great future together.
Save Marriage Guide For Those Who Desire To Succeed
There is hundreds of different guides available claiming to be able to help you save your marriage and stop your divorce. However most of them are pure fluff, or offering techniques which requires both partner to work on it. We took the trouble of weeding them out and review the most popular guides for you. You can’t afford to give your marriage 50%. You need 100% - you need the best information now. If you’re willing to give the methods laid out in the guides a chance, you’ll be amazed at where your marriage is in a relatively short time from now. Below are our best pick:
1. Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce
Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce is our hands down favorite guide to saving your marriage and stopping your divorce. The guide was written by Dr. Katie Zaltman, Ph.D, a relationship guru and marriage counselor for over 30 years. The guide offers abundance of fast acting and effective strategies, which only requires the work of a single partner. Although written by a Ph.D holder, the text in the guide is easy to understand and to implement. You can use the techniques immediately and see quick result. It is suitable for nearly every couple and unique situation. The guide has produced the highest number of success stories from extremely satisfied users.
2. Save My Marriage Today
Amy Waterman, author of Save My Marriage Today, has been in the business of saving marriage and stopping divorce for a long time. Amy’s methods and ideas are superior and easy to understand. The guide has been extremely successful in the art of saving marriage and preventing divorce. It doesn’t preach that you have to change yourself to be a better person for your spouse or tell you that you need to give in to your partner demand and every want. Instead, Amy teaches you sure fire techniques to save your marriage. Amy works with a great team of relationship experts to bring you superior techniques of saving marriage and preventing divorce. With purchase of this guide, you have access to the team, around-the-clock via e-mail, to answer your specific need.
3. Keep Your Marriage
Keep Your Marriage was written by married couple, Nancy Wasson, Ph.D, a marriage counselor with 25 years experience, and Lee Hefner. It is an excellent book that provides great ideas, fewer tips compared to our first and second rated book, and thoroughly explained to guide you on the path to a much-improved marital relationship with your partner. Although the book was seem to be written for psychology graduates and occasionally too dry, it offers valuable and effective methods in the prevention of divorce. In one section the guide accurately show how common methods for communication and counseling can actually backfire. This book is actually quite a bargain when you consider you are receiving advice from happily married couple with vast experience of personal and professional experience.
4. Save the Marriage
In Save the Marriage, marriage counselor Dr. Lee Baucom makes sense of a difficult subject, giving advice and guidance with specific examples which help you to understand the psychology of marriage and relationships. This guide offers a lot of helpful information about saving marriages and repairing broken relationships. The divorce prevention methods found in this book are proactive and can be found in many divorce prevention guides. If you are looking for common or traditional methods for divorce prevention which have proven themselves in the past, then this might be the right book for you.
1. Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce
Mastery Guide to Saving Marriage and Stopping Divorce is our hands down favorite guide to saving your marriage and stopping your divorce. The guide was written by Dr. Katie Zaltman, Ph.D, a relationship guru and marriage counselor for over 30 years. The guide offers abundance of fast acting and effective strategies, which only requires the work of a single partner. Although written by a Ph.D holder, the text in the guide is easy to understand and to implement. You can use the techniques immediately and see quick result. It is suitable for nearly every couple and unique situation. The guide has produced the highest number of success stories from extremely satisfied users.
2. Save My Marriage Today
Amy Waterman, author of Save My Marriage Today, has been in the business of saving marriage and stopping divorce for a long time. Amy’s methods and ideas are superior and easy to understand. The guide has been extremely successful in the art of saving marriage and preventing divorce. It doesn’t preach that you have to change yourself to be a better person for your spouse or tell you that you need to give in to your partner demand and every want. Instead, Amy teaches you sure fire techniques to save your marriage. Amy works with a great team of relationship experts to bring you superior techniques of saving marriage and preventing divorce. With purchase of this guide, you have access to the team, around-the-clock via e-mail, to answer your specific need.
3. Keep Your Marriage
Keep Your Marriage was written by married couple, Nancy Wasson, Ph.D, a marriage counselor with 25 years experience, and Lee Hefner. It is an excellent book that provides great ideas, fewer tips compared to our first and second rated book, and thoroughly explained to guide you on the path to a much-improved marital relationship with your partner. Although the book was seem to be written for psychology graduates and occasionally too dry, it offers valuable and effective methods in the prevention of divorce. In one section the guide accurately show how common methods for communication and counseling can actually backfire. This book is actually quite a bargain when you consider you are receiving advice from happily married couple with vast experience of personal and professional experience.
4. Save the Marriage
In Save the Marriage, marriage counselor Dr. Lee Baucom makes sense of a difficult subject, giving advice and guidance with specific examples which help you to understand the psychology of marriage and relationships. This guide offers a lot of helpful information about saving marriages and repairing broken relationships. The divorce prevention methods found in this book are proactive and can be found in many divorce prevention guides. If you are looking for common or traditional methods for divorce prevention which have proven themselves in the past, then this might be the right book for you.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
How To Save My Marriage - 5 Tips On Making Things Better
Marriages can run into serious problems for a whole slew of reasons. In fact, the specific type of problem that each marriage faces has subtle nuances all its own. This is due in part to the fact that each marriage is made up of two unique individuals who are acting and interacting in their own, special ways.
Regardless of the complex causes of dissatisfaction in each particular marriage, the types of complaints that one generally hears from married people about why their marriage is not satisfying tend to sound pretty similar. They usually boil down to: one or both individuals feeling neglected, having lost the attraction they used to feel for their mate, having trouble finding the time to spend quality time together, or just being bored with themselves or each other.
It is these similarities among the symptoms of most unhappy marriages that provide a useful point of departure for helping couples figure out just what exactly is wrong and how they can potentially save the marriage.
If you wondering, "Where can I find free advice on how to save my marriage?", here are 5 tips on making things better:
1. Recognize that your marriage is not doomed to fail or succeed:
When your marriage is going poorly, it can be easy to develop a complex in your own head, as if to say, "My marriage is doomed - nothing can help us now." This is simply not the case. While some marriages seem to go more smoothly than others, the vast majority of them have the chance to fail or succeed. They are not doomed by fate.
2. The power to change your marriage is within both of you:
It is important to recognize that both you and your spouse have the ability to influence your marriage for the better. The powerlessness that comes with a marriage-gone-sour can be self-defeating. You can turn around this feeling by recognizing in each other the power to change the course of the marriage.
3. Start by establishing some common ground between you:
The first step in fixing any trouble human relationship, including marriage, is to find some common ground. Remember that at some point in the past, the two of you saw eye-to-eye on enough things in life that you committed to spending the rest of your lives together. Try to work your way back to that point of commonality. That is where you will find your power to make a difference.
4. Each of you needs to recognize that you are part of the problem:
When your spouse is annoying you or worse, it is very easy to think thoughts such as, "If only they would change, we could have the chance to be happy." Recognize that it is always the case that both of you had a part to play in bringing your marriage to where you are now.
5. Agree to do whatever it takes to find the right solution:
Now, talk with your spouse and get each other's buy-in that you will do whatever you can to find the right solution to save your marriage.
Consider these 5 free tips on how to save your marriage.
Retrieved from "http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/free-advice-on-how-to-save-my-marriage-5-tips-on-making-things-better-3719230.html"
Regardless of the complex causes of dissatisfaction in each particular marriage, the types of complaints that one generally hears from married people about why their marriage is not satisfying tend to sound pretty similar. They usually boil down to: one or both individuals feeling neglected, having lost the attraction they used to feel for their mate, having trouble finding the time to spend quality time together, or just being bored with themselves or each other.
It is these similarities among the symptoms of most unhappy marriages that provide a useful point of departure for helping couples figure out just what exactly is wrong and how they can potentially save the marriage.
If you wondering, "Where can I find free advice on how to save my marriage?", here are 5 tips on making things better:
1. Recognize that your marriage is not doomed to fail or succeed:
When your marriage is going poorly, it can be easy to develop a complex in your own head, as if to say, "My marriage is doomed - nothing can help us now." This is simply not the case. While some marriages seem to go more smoothly than others, the vast majority of them have the chance to fail or succeed. They are not doomed by fate.
2. The power to change your marriage is within both of you:
It is important to recognize that both you and your spouse have the ability to influence your marriage for the better. The powerlessness that comes with a marriage-gone-sour can be self-defeating. You can turn around this feeling by recognizing in each other the power to change the course of the marriage.
3. Start by establishing some common ground between you:
The first step in fixing any trouble human relationship, including marriage, is to find some common ground. Remember that at some point in the past, the two of you saw eye-to-eye on enough things in life that you committed to spending the rest of your lives together. Try to work your way back to that point of commonality. That is where you will find your power to make a difference.
4. Each of you needs to recognize that you are part of the problem:
When your spouse is annoying you or worse, it is very easy to think thoughts such as, "If only they would change, we could have the chance to be happy." Recognize that it is always the case that both of you had a part to play in bringing your marriage to where you are now.
5. Agree to do whatever it takes to find the right solution:
Now, talk with your spouse and get each other's buy-in that you will do whatever you can to find the right solution to save your marriage.
Consider these 5 free tips on how to save your marriage.
Retrieved from "http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/free-advice-on-how-to-save-my-marriage-5-tips-on-making-things-better-3719230.html"
Monday, September 27, 2010
Nine Tips for having a Smart Marriage
Nine Tips for having a Smart Marriage@ from the Smart Marriages Conferences:
1. Marriage matters. Married people & their kids do better on all measures of health, wealth, happiness, & success. And, married folks report having more & better sex than single or divorced people.
2. It's not the differences but how we handle them that separate successful marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn’t predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance, contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways that help you fall more in love.
3. All happily married couples have approximately ten irreconcilable differences - ten issues they will never resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten new issues that are likely to be even more annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are children from an earlier marriage or relationship, disagreements about them go to the top of the list. What's important is to discuss our own set of issues just as we would discuss how to manage living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We wish they weren't there, but what’s important is to keep talking about how to manage them and still do the marriage “dance”.
4. Marital satisfaction often dips with the birth of a baby. That's normal. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate our parenting partner – and hang in. It makes good sense to stay married for the sake of the kids - and for our own sake. Even with the challenges, it’s a lot easier to be a parenting team than to be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back up with the empty nest. The final stage of marriage – with a job well done – is the real honeymoon period.
5 Sex ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make time for more “flows”.
6. Creating good marital sex is not about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex life. Early marital sex is sex between strangers – we don't yet know our partner or ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex based on knowing our partner and letting them know us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's not about going BACK; it's about going FORWARD, together.
7. Repair attempts are crucial and are highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up after an argument, is central to every happy marriage.
8. Learn to welcome, embrace and integrate change – to discuss and update your wishes, hopes & dreams – on a regular basis. We often “interview” each other before marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with changes in your partner. Don’t fear changes, celebrate them!
9. Try several different marriage education courses. Become informed consumers – rate the Compromising Positions
1. Marriage matters. Married people & their kids do better on all measures of health, wealth, happiness, & success. And, married folks report having more & better sex than single or divorced people.
2. It's not the differences but how we handle them that separate successful marriages from the failures. Disagreeing doesn’t predict divorce. Stonewalling, avoidance, contempt, criticism, and the silent treatment predict divorce. Learn how to disagree in ways that help you fall more in love.
3. All happily married couples have approximately ten irreconcilable differences - ten issues they will never resolve. If we switch partners, we just get ten new issues that are likely to be even more annoying and complicated. Sadly, if there are children from an earlier marriage or relationship, disagreements about them go to the top of the list. What's important is to discuss our own set of issues just as we would discuss how to manage living with a chronic bad back or trick knee. We wish they weren't there, but what’s important is to keep talking about how to manage them and still do the marriage “dance”.
4. Marital satisfaction often dips with the birth of a baby. That's normal. Marital satisfaction is at its lowest when there are kids in the house between 11 and 16. That's normal. We need to know what to expect, appreciate our parenting partner – and hang in. It makes good sense to stay married for the sake of the kids - and for our own sake. Even with the challenges, it’s a lot easier to be a parenting team than to be a single, divorced, or remarried parent. Plus there is a silver lining: satisfaction goes back up with the empty nest. The final stage of marriage – with a job well done – is the real honeymoon period.
5 Sex ebbs and flows. It comes and goes. That's normal. Plan for & make time for more “flows”.
6. Creating good marital sex is not about putting the sizzle BACK INTO your sex life. Early marital sex is sex between strangers – we don't yet know our partner or ourselves. The most passionate sex is intimate sex based on knowing our partner and letting them know us. One of the most important tasks of marriage is to develop a satisfying marital sex style. It's not about going BACK; it's about going FORWARD, together.
7. Repair attempts are crucial and are highly predictive of marital happiness. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic, but the willingness to make up after an argument, is central to every happy marriage.
8. Learn to welcome, embrace and integrate change – to discuss and update your wishes, hopes & dreams – on a regular basis. We often “interview” each other before marriage and then think "that's it." The marriage vow is a promise to stay married, not to stay the same. (Thank goodness!) Keep up-to-date with changes in your partner. Don’t fear changes, celebrate them!
9. Try several different marriage education courses. Become informed consumers – rate the Compromising Positions
Monday, March 22, 2010
DATING THE FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE
DATING THE FOUNDATION OF MARRIAGE
Dating could be described as the start of marital arrangement by a man and a woman that are of marriageable age. But we should look at dating with view to marriage when the two have agreed to that and when they have confirmed their love for each other. It is advisable to want to know each other well. Dating can afford the two the opportunity of knowing even better, if they are sincere to themselves. There is problem for many who have chosen to concentrate on the negatives leaving shoving the positives aside and these should be the main points that will be watched on.
Dating could be a time of seeing each other more often and spending quality time together, also exploring to know the interest and the dispositions of your intending mate more fully. This should be a time for serious reflections on the ideals of the kind of marriage one wants.
The question of chosen the suitable mate is answered within the framework of dating, but the big question is on what should one focus his or her attention while dating? I would answer to the affirmative that focusing on the inner-person is better; it will give you a better result. Why? The words of the originator of marriage gives an insight as to this, it says “and do not let your adornment be that of external braiding of the hair and of putting on of Gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garment, but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quit and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God”. It went further to state “charms may be false and prettiness may be vain; but the woman or man that fears God is the one that procures praise for him or her self”. From those words of the originator of marriage, we can see that most men and women do make mistake while dating with view to marriage.
For lasting marriage relationship, why not make it your aim to choose a man or woman that meets with the grand purpose of marriage according to Gods principles. Do not focus on those things that are everlasting and not on transients which will fade very fast.
You ought to select a mate based not on beauty, physical appearances and sentiments, but on facts and secrete person of the heart. Not on racial, ethnic or cultural backgrounds, but on LOVE that is based on principles that harmonizes with God’s.
Let us veer into some of the principles of God that we should not ignore even while dating with view to marriage. To please God, we should keep our relationship with the opposite sex honorable and date with view to marriage not on selfish reasons or to hurt the feelings of another. DO NOT DELIBRATELY BREAK ANY BODY’S HEART.
How can you keep your relationship clean and undefiled in God’s eyes especially in view of the tremendous pressure on intending couples to throw moral restrain aside? First you should recognize that God’s standards were set down with our very best interest in mind. For example, God’s word says “I God am your God, the one teaching you to benefit your self, the one causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk. O! if only you would actually pay attention to my commandments. Then your peace would become just like a river, and your righteousness like the waves if the sea.” Yes, the commandment and principles set down in God’s inspired word the Holy Bible are for our benefit. Those words show the depth of our creators care for us and that he wants us to be happy and successful in all aspects of our lives including dating and marriage.
Accept the truth about yourself and do not deceive your intending marriage mate. You will not benefit yourself by hiding what you are to your intending marriage mate. Tell him or her whole truth about you. Why? Honesty pays better dividends than falsehood. By imitating our God by been honest will endear you to the heart of your intending mate. DO NOT ALLOW DECIET TO RULE YOUR DATE WITH ANY ONE. Try to heed the admonition of the originator of marriage it says “The heart is treacherous than anything else and is desperate, who can know it” it went further to say “ He or she that is trusting in his own heart is stupid, but he or she that is walking in wisdom is the one that will escape.
Since dating is a serious business allow the wisdom from above to guide you, never to fall into the trap of those who want to satisfy their lust. Why this is germane is that if you are not guided by Godly wisdom you may allow sexual feelings to becloud your sense of reasoning. For true guidance, why not confide in your parents if they have good virtues or better still those matured spouses who had exemplary marriages, these ones would be of immense help. For ultimate result LISTEN TO God’s word about marriage, you will be happy you did.
YOUR BEHAVIORS SHOULD BE CLEARLY DEFINED DURING DATING OR CUORTSHIP. Your behaviors during courtship or dating period should be well understood by your intending mate, for example, if your partner is asked about your behavior would he or she give a straight forward answer to such question. When you are not invincible as to your behavior you will be building your marriage foundation on solid rock like the one you will find in God’s word which says “the wise man build his house on a rock and the rain fall and the wind blew and the Sun shown against the house and it did not shake or cave in because the house is built on solid rock. But to the contrary if you start you date with false you will be liken to that foolish man described in God’s word which says “the foolish man that build his house on sandy soil and the wind blew and the Sun shown and the rain fall against the house and the collapse of the house was great because it has its foundation on sand. Of the two which would you prefer? The choice is yours.
Dating could be described as the start of marital arrangement by a man and a woman that are of marriageable age. But we should look at dating with view to marriage when the two have agreed to that and when they have confirmed their love for each other. It is advisable to want to know each other well. Dating can afford the two the opportunity of knowing even better, if they are sincere to themselves. There is problem for many who have chosen to concentrate on the negatives leaving shoving the positives aside and these should be the main points that will be watched on.
Dating could be a time of seeing each other more often and spending quality time together, also exploring to know the interest and the dispositions of your intending mate more fully. This should be a time for serious reflections on the ideals of the kind of marriage one wants.
The question of chosen the suitable mate is answered within the framework of dating, but the big question is on what should one focus his or her attention while dating? I would answer to the affirmative that focusing on the inner-person is better; it will give you a better result. Why? The words of the originator of marriage gives an insight as to this, it says “and do not let your adornment be that of external braiding of the hair and of putting on of Gold ornaments or the wearing of outer garment, but let it be the secret person of the heart in the incorruptible apparel of the quit and mild spirit, which is of great value in the eyes of God”. It went further to state “charms may be false and prettiness may be vain; but the woman or man that fears God is the one that procures praise for him or her self”. From those words of the originator of marriage, we can see that most men and women do make mistake while dating with view to marriage.
For lasting marriage relationship, why not make it your aim to choose a man or woman that meets with the grand purpose of marriage according to Gods principles. Do not focus on those things that are everlasting and not on transients which will fade very fast.
You ought to select a mate based not on beauty, physical appearances and sentiments, but on facts and secrete person of the heart. Not on racial, ethnic or cultural backgrounds, but on LOVE that is based on principles that harmonizes with God’s.
Let us veer into some of the principles of God that we should not ignore even while dating with view to marriage. To please God, we should keep our relationship with the opposite sex honorable and date with view to marriage not on selfish reasons or to hurt the feelings of another. DO NOT DELIBRATELY BREAK ANY BODY’S HEART.
How can you keep your relationship clean and undefiled in God’s eyes especially in view of the tremendous pressure on intending couples to throw moral restrain aside? First you should recognize that God’s standards were set down with our very best interest in mind. For example, God’s word says “I God am your God, the one teaching you to benefit your self, the one causing you to tread in the way in which you should walk. O! if only you would actually pay attention to my commandments. Then your peace would become just like a river, and your righteousness like the waves if the sea.” Yes, the commandment and principles set down in God’s inspired word the Holy Bible are for our benefit. Those words show the depth of our creators care for us and that he wants us to be happy and successful in all aspects of our lives including dating and marriage.
Accept the truth about yourself and do not deceive your intending marriage mate. You will not benefit yourself by hiding what you are to your intending marriage mate. Tell him or her whole truth about you. Why? Honesty pays better dividends than falsehood. By imitating our God by been honest will endear you to the heart of your intending mate. DO NOT ALLOW DECIET TO RULE YOUR DATE WITH ANY ONE. Try to heed the admonition of the originator of marriage it says “The heart is treacherous than anything else and is desperate, who can know it” it went further to say “ He or she that is trusting in his own heart is stupid, but he or she that is walking in wisdom is the one that will escape.
Since dating is a serious business allow the wisdom from above to guide you, never to fall into the trap of those who want to satisfy their lust. Why this is germane is that if you are not guided by Godly wisdom you may allow sexual feelings to becloud your sense of reasoning. For true guidance, why not confide in your parents if they have good virtues or better still those matured spouses who had exemplary marriages, these ones would be of immense help. For ultimate result LISTEN TO God’s word about marriage, you will be happy you did.
YOUR BEHAVIORS SHOULD BE CLEARLY DEFINED DURING DATING OR CUORTSHIP. Your behaviors during courtship or dating period should be well understood by your intending mate, for example, if your partner is asked about your behavior would he or she give a straight forward answer to such question. When you are not invincible as to your behavior you will be building your marriage foundation on solid rock like the one you will find in God’s word which says “the wise man build his house on a rock and the rain fall and the wind blew and the Sun shown against the house and it did not shake or cave in because the house is built on solid rock. But to the contrary if you start you date with false you will be liken to that foolish man described in God’s word which says “the foolish man that build his house on sandy soil and the wind blew and the Sun shown and the rain fall against the house and the collapse of the house was great because it has its foundation on sand. Of the two which would you prefer? The choice is yours.
Friday, February 12, 2010
The Basics Of Marriage
FUNDAMENTALS OF MARRIAGE
The basics of marriage must be taken into consideration, for example, if you want to construct a building, it will not be ideal to start it without first having a careful preparations which includes the following; before the foundation is laid, land must be acquired and plans drawn up , the cost should be counted so as to meet the requirement set out in the holy Book the Bible which says “Who of you that want to build a tower does not first sit down and calculate the expense, to see if he has enough to complete it? In a similar vain, marriage could be likened to constructing a building. A for the success of it, any who wants to get married should ask or consider the cost of getting married in terms of physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects of it. Therefore, those contemplating marriage need to have a realistic view of both the blessing and the cost of being married.
From the outset, one need to stop and ask, am I ready for marriage? As was said of constructing a building, yes! Constructing a building may be expensive, but caring for its long – term maintenance is costly as well. The same could be seen in marriage. Getting married seems challenging enough, however, maintaining a marital relationship year after year must be considered. The big question is, what does maintaining such a relationship entail?
If you could follow the words of the originator of marriage which states “A man will leave his mother and father and “MUST” stick to his wife and they must become one flesh”. By analyzing those words, it showed the kind of commitment that is to be shown between the couples. One sticking to the other in a mutual understanding of what marriage is all about, forming a bond. So if you are contemplating marriage you ought to bear those words in mind, if you are already married you should reevaluate your priorities in your marriage based on those words, to see if you are in line with those words of wisdom an this shows whether you value your solemn commitment.
Are you one of those who feels that the idea of a solemn commitment frightens you? For example, a young man confesses “knowing that the two of us ( himself and the wife) were stuck together for life made me feel pushed into Corner and closed totally confined”. To the contrary if you really love the person you intend to marry or have married to, commitment will not seem like a burden instead, it will be viewed as a source of security. Do not be carried away, the sense of commitment implied in marriage will make a couple want to stay together through good times and bad and to be supportive to each other come what may. Do you know that the commitment of marriage makes one to feel more secure? The security here is total and refreshing enabling each of the mates to want to see the other every minute of the day.
From the outset, one need to stop and ask, am I ready for marriage? As was said of constructing a building, yes! Constructing a building may be expensive, but caring for its long – term maintenance is costly as well. The same could be seen in marriage. Getting married seems challenging enough, however, maintaining a marital relationship year after year must be considered. The big question is, what does maintaining such a relationship entail?
If you could follow the words of the originator of marriage which states “A man will leave his mother and father and “MUST” stick to his wife and they must become one flesh”. By analyzing those words, it showed the kind of commitment that is to be shown between the couples. One sticking to the other in a mutual understanding of what marriage is all about, forming a bond. So if you are contemplating marriage you ought to bear those words in mind, if you are already married you should reevaluate your priorities in your marriage based on those words, to see if you are in line with those words of wisdom an this shows whether you value your solemn commitment.
Are you one of those who feels that the idea of a solemn commitment frightens you? For example, a young man confesses “knowing that the two of us ( himself and the wife) were stuck together for life made me feel pushed into Corner and closed totally confined”. To the contrary if you really love the person you intend to marry or have married to, commitment will not seem like a burden instead, it will be viewed as a source of security. Do not be carried away, the sense of commitment implied in marriage will make a couple want to stay together through good times and bad and to be supportive to each other come what may. Do you know that the commitment of marriage makes one to feel more secure? The security here is total and refreshing enabling each of the mates to want to see the other every minute of the day.
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